Embers of Love
by jajellybean
Summary: What happens when the mistake of another becomes the consequence of your own? Alice/other character femslash story up for grabs PM me if you're interested
1. Chapter 1

I fell to the ground, my palms skidding on the cement causing a burning sensation to run up my arms.

"Stop" I demanded, but it was no use, he wasn't going to listen to me. Who was I? The freak who believed in Vampires, that's all, the loser of the school. He wasn't going to stop at all.

"Hey Freak. Where are your friends? Oh, that's right… you don't have any."

He kicked me brutally in the stomach as I let out a small cry of pain. He smiled, and then slowly kneeled down. I tried rolling away but his greasy hands were already pushing on my ribs causing me to open my eyes in panic.

"What are you going to do now?" He asked me while pressing harder on my ribs. It was starting to get hard to breath. "I know. Why don't you summon your friends, the _Cold Ones_" He spat.

That's when the tears began. He always knew how to stuff the knife where it hurt. The truth was, they wouldn't come, and I knew that. Not because they didn't exist. Oh no, I knew they existed, but because they had left; left the town, left our school, and left… me.

Six months… that's how long it's been since I last saw the Cullen's. After Bella was changed when Edward came back from Voltura; Edward and she had to move away so she could learn to control her blood lust. Alice was crushed. When I moved here, she never talked to anyone. Being the only one left in High School she always sat alone.

One day I finally gained the courage to talk to her, but Alice hardly talked.

Later that night I was walking through the woods by my house when some werewolves from Sam's pack surrounded me. They heard I was seen talking to her and so they decided to "check it out" because I was the first person to speak to her in weeks. I was terrified to say the least, and couldn't believe that the wolves were actually men. They kept pushing me for answers, but I had none. Finally with promises of a "check-up" they left me, a sobbing mass on the brink of insanity on the forest floor.

After that night I stopped speaking… I didn't know what to do, what to say. What was real anymore? Alice noticed this and soon she got a vision of me ending my life. She stopped me and gave me the answers I was looking for. Soon after that, we were inseparable; she was my best friend, and the one person in the world I could go to, she kept me sane and kept the wolves away. But then… they left.

Mark jerked his hands harder which caused me to snap out of my memory and cry out in pain, I should've been used to it, he beat on me almost daily because I refused to tell him where the Cullen's were. Truth be told I would prefer the pain over anyone ever finding out. It was the only thing I could do to protect them from the werewolves.

"TELL ME!" Mark screamed, an inch from my face.

"Never" I whispered. A small look of irritation flashed across his face, but slowly it seeped out and I could only see his cruel smile and dark eyes.

"Fine, but don't think you're getting away with nothing… maybe a couple cracked ribs will change your mind?" I screamed out in anguished pain when he brought his fisted hand down hard onto my ribs. After a couple of hits he stood up and began to walk away.

I groaned on the pavement clutching my aching body while attempting to breath. "Never" I groaned again quietly to myself; false comfort. Mark heard me and stopped dead in his tracks, whipping around. Walking back towards me, he gripped my hair using it to force me up.

"They will never come back for you, I know it, and so do you. So why defend them? Why not just tell me where they were headed, so that we can get a couple wolves after them? Isn't that what you want? Revenge?" He spat angrily in my face, his hand now tightly gripping my neck.

I shook my head no.

"Why the hell not!" he yelled while throwing me back onto the pavement. He slowly gathered himself and walked towards me again. Placing his hand back on my neck he continued to squeeze until I could no longer breathe.

"Is this what you want? We all know you wanted to become one of them, dead. So what is so different about being permanently dead?" he squeezed harder.

I began to struggle but he put his knee on my ribs causing me to cringe in pain. The black started to surround the corners of my eye-sight. "You'll finally have what you want? Is that it? Wasn't that why they left you in the first place? So you wouldn't die? Ironic… isn't it?"

The sounds around me began numbing down into soft whispers as I felt myself being tossed to the cement. I tried opening my eyes but everything was blurry. A figure appeared above me but I couldn't focus enough to see the face. _God please let him be done_ I thought to myself before I saw the figure bend down. I instinctively curled myself into a ball and awaited my next beating.

I could feel my consciousness slipping and as I closed my eyes I swore I could feel inhumanly cool hands wiping the hair off my face before I succumbed and drifted to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Groaning I slowly rolled out of my curled position and attempted to get up off the hard cement. I cried out in pain when I moved so I laid back down and calmed my breathing. The sky was dark indicating I had been out for a few hours.

The nearest streetlamp stood tall a few meters away from me, the dim shining barely touching the tips of my outstretched fingers.

I smiled softly as my memory flashed back to when Alice and I stayed out all night talking, and then sat ourselves underneath the streetlamp when I got tired. She then allowed me to rest my head on her shoulder while she protected me against the dangers night posed. I wondered what she would say now if she knew that my home consisted of the streets of Forks.

Salty tears hit the pavement as a new pang of hurt pulsed through my body, I scolded myself for thinking about those times but I couldn't truly care. I was broken, tired, hungry, and alone in the middle of an abandoned street, if I was going to be miserable, I might as well do the job right.

I lifted my hands to my neck and could feel the bruises of Mark's fingers around my throat. More tears spilled when I thought back to what he was saying. I had wanted to be like them, I still did. But all I could think about laying there in his clutches was: "Please… do it, I don't want to live anymore."

More tears fell from my eyes, but instead of sad tears they were tears of frustration. Why did they have to leave me? Why couldn't they have just killed me and saved me this torture? Did they hate me so much, that instead of granting my only wish, they leave me with my own personal living nightmare?

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard feet shuffling on the gravel nearby. I probably should have been scared, but I wasn't. Nothing could really hurt me anymore. Deciding to see who was walking, I slowly rolled onto my stomach and lifted myself off the cold pavement.

I momentarily forgot about the person walking when the light stand came into view again. It seemed to be calling me, so slowly I began walking towards it. Blinding pain ripped through my chest as I was walking, I tried to take short small breaths but I still had to stop several times from the dizziness. I wasn't sure why I was walking towards the light stand; I didn't even know where I was, but for some reason I felt I had to get there, and remember that night with Alice, and the other memories with the Cullens. With the small light within the darkness, I knew I had to free my pain and allow myself to grieve for the family I might've once had.

A couple of pebbles hit the back of my shoes as the person behind me made himself known once more.

"You're up!"

I stopped cold once I heard the familiar voice. It was the very voice I had heard that afternoon. "I was wondering if you were going to sleep your existence away, which would've been really sad considering you can't live forever." I grit my teeth as I slowly turned and faced Mark.

He had changed his clothes and was now carrying a backpack on his back. I didn't even want to know what the contents of his bag were; all I knew was that I had to get out of there. I started hobbling slightly faster towards the lamp stand when a hand roughly pushed me onto my stomach making me land on my cracked ribs.

I groaned in pain upon impact but refused to cry out and give him any satisfaction. I tried getting back up but he pushed me back down. He grabbed my hoodie roughly and began dragging me towards the lamp stand.

"Is this where you want to do it?" He laughed joyfully "Alright then, we might as well make you 'comfortable' hey?"

He pushed me towards the poll and sat down his backpack. Opening it up, he took out a roll of packing tape and some scissors. Slowly he came up to me and began taping me tightly to the poll. After I was secured he went back to his backpack and took out a small, neat envelope. Ignoring the malicious smile on his face, my eyes darted to the finely printed name on the front of the letter. It was mine.

I could recognize that writing anywhere, it was Alice's neat printing. Immediately my eyes began to tear up as I whispered "no" over and over. Why was he doing this?

"Where did you get that?" My voice had gotten more frantic as I began struggling slightly with the tape. It wouldn't budge.

"Well, while you were 'sleeping' I decided to make a trip to the Cullen's old house. You know, they left a bunch of stuff… almost like they were in a hurry to leave. Do you know anything about that?" He paused. "At first I thought not, everyone knows that you haven't been in their house since they left. You won't even go near the entrance of their driveway; and then you didn't say anything about them this afternoon. But then I found this letter, right on the counter; collecting dust." He paused for a second to bend down and show me the front of the letter. "Alice's writing, yes?"

I winced at the name. Even if I had been thinking of her name all night, it still hurt me to hear it spoken out loud. He noticed me flinch and began laughing.

"Unsure if you would ever get this little letter, I decided to bring it here to you. Isn't that kind of me?" I knew he was waiting for a reply but I couldn't move my tongue, all I could think about was _they said goodbye?_

"Wasn't it!?" He shouted while kicking me hard in the legs. I groaned in pain, but still didn't say anything.

"You won't tell me where they are alone. Maybe you'll tell me after a little more… persuasion. If you don't; well then, no one will miss you anyway, right?"

"Please… don't do this. I haven't done anything to you, and neither have they! Why can't you accept that they left?" My voice was weak from exhaustion, but I still managed to have enough emotion in my words to halt him for a moment.

"Sorry" He shrugged clearly not meaning it, "Not good enough." Mark swung his fist against my face, I groaned upon impact but attempted to keep the pain from my face. "You know the truth, and I want it! No more of your dumb little games. Either you tell me, or you will regret it."

I sighed; the blood pounded behind the wound, no doubt coloring my ashen cheek. I knew if I told him, he probably would still hurt me, but at least I would be alive. But on the other hand, I would never do that. Even if they left me, I loved them. And would do anything for the Cullens, even die; so I gathered my breath, and with strong conviction I whispered. "Do your worst. No matter what you do to me, I will not say anything."

Mark screamed a long stream of curses before he lifted his hand and began throwing punches all over my body. I screamed out in pain but soon a numb sensation leaked through my body and it didn't hurt anymore. Blood seeped from my split lip and the world spun a little, but suddenly, nothing mattered. It was finally going to happen, he was angry enough. I was going to die.

Mark suddenly stopped hitting me and gasped loudly. I groggily lifted my head about to question why, when I saw her. She was more beautiful than I remembered; my memory hadn't done justice to her perfection.

She had his fist in her hand, preventing Mark from hitting me again. Her skin, still milky white, shone in the light of the lamp, but her eyes flashed darker than the night's sky.

"What do you think you are doing?" Alice growled through clenched teeth.

Mark quickly ripped his hand away and in desperation began moving slowly towards me. Alice released a vicious snarl causing him to jump back. With eyes filled with regret and panic, Mark turned towards me and whispered harshly "You will see me again. You won't know what hit you. Every minute you think you are safe… I'll be there. Don't forget to lock your doors and windows Anna, sweet dreams." before glaring at Alice.

"You… you shouldn't have come back." Alice growled softly at the threat, but Mark was already picking up his backpack and disappearing down the dark street.


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I could do was look at her. Even after all this time, I couldn't be angry at her. In fact I couldn't feel anything but the hole in my heart stretching and ripping to pieces. I had for a long time pondered what it would be like if she came back. Even if it was for a second, what would it do to me? I had known that it would be painful, but I never expected anything like this. This was unbearable.

Slowly I closed my eyes and tried once again to free myself from the pole I was taped to. I could feel my body screaming for me to stop because of my injuries, but I couldn't. My movements became frantic the more I struggled with the tape. And soon I was hyperventilating. I had to escape from this. I couldn't handle being around her and she hasn't even said anything yet.

It felt like a war-zone in my mind; a part of me wanted to get out and run up to her and never let her go. To forgive everything and beg her to take me with her or for her to stay with me, but the other part; the betrayed part, wished I could hurt her as much as she hurt me, that I could hurt them like they have never been hurt; but that part of me was a lie; literally the last defense of my heart before the pain killed me.

I lifted up my eyes slowly, looking towards her. She hadn't moved since I last saw her. She seemed to be in an argument with herself about something; probably whether or not to release me from the poll, maybe she had come back only to torture me some more. And maybe, just maybe she had come back for me.

A soft breeze rustled the trees around me, and I stopped. For the shortest of seconds I could smell the faint scent of Alice's skin. Despite the ragging pain in my heart I couldn't help but sigh happily. It was like having that first taste of cocaine after abstaining from it for a week. Nothing could compare to it.

But as soon as it came, it left with the wind. And soon all I could feel was the pain threatening to swallow me whole. It was impossible, why would she come back for me? If I wasn't good enough for them to bother with in the first place, what made me think I was important enough to come back to? The truth of the situation nearly killed me, the pain was everywhere, and the realization that I was worth nothing was slowly slicing me in half. I fought viciously with the tape in hopes that my arms would go free so that I could try and hold myself together, but the tape held tight.

The pain was almost unbearable now, and in a panic I did the only thing that came to mind, I lifted my head and screamed. All the pain I was feeling inside was now surrounding me crushing my heart. Only after my lungs burned and my throat became sore, did I finally stop screaming.

I dropped my head and sniffed lightly wishing I could wipe the tears that were now steadily streaming down my cheeks. Before I knew what was happening a pale white hand slowly brushed the tears off my cheeks, and then I was freed. I quickly drew my knees up and curled into a tight ball. I didn't know what to do. The second her hand met my skin, it was like an electric shock went through my body calming me down.

Alice was still only feet away from me; I looked out into the dark wondering what happened to Mark. I was angry, why couldn't he have been a little stronger and rid me of this pain?

"Anna… I…" Alice stumbled. Out of all the time I had ever heard her speak. I had never heard her stumble. I hardly cared at the time though, her voice was just as soft as I remembered, and the now strained musical voice was like the song written on my heart from another time, a happier past. I couldn't help but smile.

"I shouldn't have come." Alice chastised herself when she saw my clearly unresponsive state in-front of her. She stood up and dusted her clothes off lightly. Was she going to leave? A sudden panic gripped my heart as I screamed.

"No! Please don't leave me again; I can't do that again, I won't. I know you hate me, and that you wish you never knew me, I don't know if guilt made you come back and 'save' me but please, if you have any mercy in you at all… kill me. Right now, kill me and save me from having to do it myself. Please. I can't do this again." I begged, I was trying to get up now and finally when I did I went over towards her and slowly, with shaky fingers, lifted up my sweater so she could get to my wrist.

She gasped quietly when she saw my arm. Grabbing it gently she lifted the sweater all the way up, almost to the shoulder. Besides the large purple and black bruises from Mark, there were also hundreds of white scars and angry pink lines running across my arm. I was never proud of my addiction to cutting myself, but when that was all you have to survive, you do everything in your power to get it done.

"What did we do…?" Alice sobbed, pulling my sleeve down again.

"What are you doing?" _Did she actually care about me?_ I shook my head, _of course not_. "Who cares…? I'm fine, or at least I will be" I lifted my sleeve to my elbow again and pushed my arm towards her. "Please."

She looked me in the eye grabbing my arm and firmly pulled my sleeve down again. "I'm not going to kill you Anna, I refuse." She was about to turn and leave when the anger in my blood began to boil.

"You're too late" Alice paused and looked at me with a confused frown fixed on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"I have been dead for the past six months. You don't even want to know what has happened to me since your family left me. Why did you leave Alice? To 'save' me like Edward did for Bella? Didn't that work just amazing; was it because of Jasper? Rosalie? Emmett? Was it truly because you guys had to go? I was willing to go with you, and leave everything. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I have nothing left here for me." My voice started out strong but it slowly dwindled down to a soft whisper. Alice was about to say something but I interrupted her already knowing what she was going to say.

"They're dead" I whispered. "When you left, Sam's pack wanted to know where you were going. I refused to tell him anything. I said I didn't know where you went, or where you would be, so he punished me using my parents… after that he finally believed me that I didn't know where you were, so he left." Tears began to prick my eyes so I bowed my head. "I guess I had it coming though… right? Don't break the number one rule, don't piss off a werewolf."

"Sam killed them." Alice assumed wringing her hands in anger but I interrupted.

"No… Jacob did."

Alice's eyes flew to mine as she searched for some type of lie. We all knew that Jacob had loved Bella, but when she left he went crazy. He actually had Mark come and abuse me daily trying to get the information out of me so he could hunt the Cullen's down.

The pain in my chest intensified with the length of the silence surrounding me, and suddenly I wobbled almost falling over. I had lost a lot of blood and the stress of the situation was finally taking effect now that the adrenaline was disappearing.

"You should go home. Maybe go check out the hospital." Alice whispered. It figures she didn't miss my unstableness even though she hadn't looked at me since I told her about Jacob.

"I am home…" I mumbled. My tongue was beginning to get heavy in my mouth and the scenery around me was starting to blend together. Even though I was lying slightly about being home, it was true. I felt more at home than I had in six months. It was pitiful the effect she had on me, even after so long.

"Don't be ridiculous, this isn't your home and you…" Alice stopped speaking when she saw my face. "You're not lying… are you?"

I slowly shook my head no, and crossed my arms across my body, trying to hold the pain inside myself. Even if all I wanted to do was crawl into her arms and cry, I was ashamed of who I was now. I was a nobody, and that was all I would ever be. I was pitiful; how could I compare to perfection? Or even stand in her presence?

I looked over at Alice and could see the argument in her head still rolling. I bowed my head. _Was it so repulsing to see me?_ Realization set when I realized why she was here. She felt guilty, and felt responsible for looking after me. I knew what I had to do. Even though every fiber in my body screamed for me not to, I lifted up my head and whispered knowing she would hear me:

"Mark wasn't joking when he said you shouldn't have come back." My legs just about crumbled from the pain destroying my heart. "Jacob will probably hear about this and will be coming to check it out. I'm so sorry for putting you in danger. I'll go."

I looked at Alice's torn face, memorizing her every feature and locking it in my mind. Before I turned around and walked away.

After a few blocks I noticed the tears falling steadily down my face. The edge of the forest came to view and after that I knew I would be near the school where my favorite alley waited.

Meters before I reached the road that led to the school, I heard a loud growling to my right in the forest.

"Shit." I cursed my luck for the night and slowly turned to meet the cold dark brown eyes of Jacob Black.

I backed up too quickly causing me to stumble and fall onto the sidewalk. Shockwaves of pain ran through my body causing me to cry out.

"Hello" Jacob's smile was menacing "I see Mark and you had a good time together, to bad your 'friend'" He spat the word "interrupted. I've come to ask you one more time… and it should be even easier now that she is close-by. Tell me where the female leach is and I will let you live. Don't tell me and… well… let's just say your parents won't be so lonely anymore"

I knew he wasn't lying, but I couldn't tell him where she was. Even if she left me for dead, I loved her.

"Jacob…" He looked at me moving slightly closer. "I won't tell you."

"So be it" He growled loudly changing into a werewolf. Saliva glistened off his teeth as he moved closer. The animalistic look in his eye meant only one thing… death.

I slid myself back trying to get up but before I could go anywhere Jacob's teeth grabbed my leg and started dragging me toward the forest. I couldn't help but scream as his teeth cut my flesh.

Once we reached a small clearing about a mile from the road, Jacob let me go and began circling me. Even if I was ready for death, I was so afraid of what I knew was going to be painful.

"Jacob, wait!" He paused to see if I'd changed my mind. "I _can't_ tell you where Alice is" He ignored me and continued circling me "please, you have to understand! They're my life! I can't let you hurt them." Tears started rolling down my cheeks as Jacob stopped circling and crouched down low, preparing to attack.

"Please" Was all I could mutter out before his giant wolf form charged and knocked me onto my back. His strong jaws tore through my shoulder causing me to scream in agonized pain, and his paws began scratching at my arms ripping through my hoodie and into my pinned arms.

Even all the beatings from Mark combined could not compare to the pain I was feeling now. Blood was dripping everywhere and I knew I only had so long before I knew I would surly die.

The memories from today surged through my mind as I thought about why I was dying.

_They will never come back for you, I know it, and so do you. So why defend them?_

_I shouldn't have come._

_Unworthy_

A part of me pleaded to fight, to live and ignore those memories, but I knew it was true; I deserved to die, I wasn't worthy enough for life, and especially for Alice.

I couldn't take it anymore so I looked past Jacob's wolf-head and for the second time today, screamed. I screamed until I couldn't utter another noise in my chest. I screamed to, at and for the one person who constantly plagued my mind; I screamed Alice's name.


	4. Chapter 4

The black edges of my eyesight threatened to consume my mind as I screamed her name. Jacob paused his mauling and lifted his head slowly, sniffing the air.

_No_ I thought to myself. How stupid could I be? My sacrifice to keep Alice safe failed because I wasn't strong enough. Once again because of my worthless human frailties, Alice was going to be put in danger. Tears leaked down my cheeks leaving a clean trail down my face. I could hear a wheezing laughing noise coming from Jacob and I knew she was here.

"Anna…" I heard her gasp, no doubt at the macabre scene in front of her.

I slowly turned my head towards her heavenly figure. Even though her face was contorted in anger, horror and sadness flashed through her darkening eyes, she was beautiful. I sighed happily when I looked over at her but I knew happiness for me lasted only moments, my eyes widened in horror after I realized Jacob's growling presence to my right.

"Alice… You need to leave… now!" I coughed harshly turning my head to the side; rust stung the back of my throat as I saw bright blood painted on the grass by my head.

"No…" If vampires could cry I knew Alice would be, she shook her head sadly; "I refuse to let you die."

Jacob pounced trying to take advantage of Alice's seemingly distracted state but at the last second she moved out of the way and appeared by my side.

"Anna… why?" She sobbed, brushing the hair out of my glossy eyes.

"Alice…" I smiled and reached out to touch her pale face. Her skin was so smooth, and where it was supposed to be cold, warmth spread through my arm. "Alice… I love you."

The blackness began to spread as my heart began to beat erratically trying to keep me alive. I was getting scared now, I could practically feel the life being sucked out of me, but I tried to hold on. I just got her back and now fate was taking her away again.

"Alice"

My eyes were searching frantically around. I gripped her hand and choked back a sob. I was going to die.

"Alice!"

"Anna… I won't let you die." Alice whispered slowly as she began picking up my broken body gently. "I'll take care of you."

A loud rustling in the bushes had Alice turned and hissing. Jacob walked through the bushes, growling ferociously. Alice matched his growl with one of her own and stepped forward slightly to block Jacob's view of me.

"you won't win this Jacob." Alice whispered, hissing slightly when he took another step forward. "I know you know about my power. The others are going to be here soon, and what do you think will happen when I tell them what you've done?"

Jacob growled loudly again but stopped his progression towards us. Alice words were effecting him, Jacob might've been bloodthirsty, but he wasn't stupid. He knew he wouldn't be able to take down all of the Cullen's by himself.

"There will be another time… I promise" Alice snarled, a morbid smile touching the edges of her lips.

Jacob looked at her with hatred but slowly began backing up until he disappeared. A couple seconds later the leaves of the bush began rustling but only a human Jacob leaned through the bushes. His arms were shaking in controlled anger as he snapped, "If you change her leach I will personally kill you and every member of your family… you've been warned."

Alice hissed at him again and then whispered softly in my ear to hold on. She gently picked me up bridal style before she began running through the forest.

It was amazing; exactly like we were flying, the swirling greens meshing together into one giant vortex. I could no longer feel the pain running through my body, but slowly my eyes began to close.

"Anna… you need to stay awake. Please hold on. We're almost there." She held her voice strong but when I looked into her eyes I could see the panic and worry eating her from the inside. It was then that I knew we weren't going to make it, and I was going to die.

"Alice, it's alright. Thank you for coming back, I can die happy now." I smiled happily towards Alice's pained face to empathize my point. Tears slid from my eyes through betraying my happy facade, but I was too weak to do anything but look at Alice's face and ponder what was to come.

Alice slowed her pace and knelt softly placing me on the cushy grass. Broken sobs wracked her body as she looked at the faded look in my eyes.

"You can't die; I'm sorry Anna… so sorry. Please forgive me, forgive us!" She wailed grasping my limp hand between her strong ones.

"Alice…" I could only whisper now "There's nothing to forgive… I was never worth it" I coughed up more blood and then gasped quietly when I saw the dark look in Alice's eyes. For a moment I thought she was losing control of her blood lust and was finally going to end my pain, but then she shook her head and spoke.

"Not worth it? How can you say that! Why do you think we left in the first place?" She shook her head again seeming to shake her jumbled thoughts straight when a determined look flashed across her eyes. She lowered her lips to my ear and whispered. "I won't let you die."

I could feel her cool breath against the hollow of my ear as she gently pushed my head to one side. I knew what she was going to do and begged her to stop.

"Alice please, don't change me. I can't deal with me having to live forever without you." Tears started streaming down my face as Alice sobbed again softly before kissing the side of my neck. Despite the fear clutching my heart I couldn't help but shiver at how her lips felt against my blood stained neck.

"I promise" Alice whispered again before pain flashed across my eyes.

It was the most curious thing. Having your life-source drained so quickly. It was nothing like the release of cutting myself; it was so much more. I could feel all the tension and pain in my body leave through the hole in my neck and flow into Alice's awaiting mouth. But as quickly as the numbing feelings spread through me, it stopped. Alice released her hold on my neck and groaned in loss.

Unable to understand why she was stopping, I twisted my head to the side and gazed into her frenzied eyes. I could tell she was no longer breathing, but I could no longer realize why. I was about to reach for her fisted hand when the pain hit.

At first it was blinding and I cried out in agony but then I could comprehend what was happening and could feel Alice's head by my ear again.

"Its going to be okay Anna, I promise, I'm so sorry I left, it was stupid and immature." Her low humming voice calmed my screams until they became controlled groans. I couldn't believe I was being so selfish. I wasn't worth Alice's apologies, and most certainly had no right to cry out and add onto Alice's incredible guilt. It was at that moment that I decided I would remain silent for the remainder of my change.

If I concentrated enough I could hardly feel it, though it was more painful than Mark's beatings, it didn't come close to how my heart felt during those dark six months. More memories of the past swirled around my head causing me to clench my eyes in pain.

_I can't do this for an eternity._ So I again decided that as soon as I could I would try to end this pain and their guilt by ending my life.


	5. Chapter 5

"Carlisle, how is she being so quiet?" I could hear Alice's strained voice near my head but I continued keeping my eyes closed trying to keep the pain to myself.

"Honestly I have no idea Alice." I could imagine Carlisle shaking his head side to side.

The pain swelled in my stomach and I clenched my eyes tightly but remained silent, I refused to scream out and burden them any longer but it hurt so badly. My breaths began to get heavier as wave after wave of torture flashed through my body. I had to struggle to hold in my screams.

"Anna?" Alice was by my side now brushing the hair out of my eyes, "Anna it's alright, let it out. Stop holding it in."

I shook my head no and grunted when another blinding wave of pain wracked my body. I was losing my control! Gripping the sheets on the bed below me I slowly tried steadying my breathing and calmed myself down.

"Alice is right Anna its okay to let it out" Carlisle's voice was now on my other side but he had yet to touch me.

Tears pricked my closed eyelids and my heart clenched. Look what I was doing; even Carlisle was worried about me; I disgusted myself. Even when I knew how worthless I was I continued believing that they cared about me. The guilt swelled when I realized that they would have to relocate again once I woke up because I would know where they lived. I jealously wished they allow me to stay with them for a little while, but realization set when I remembered I was never going to be good enough for them.

I closed my eyes tight again and continued thinking about how worthless I was. Slowly I began thinking and replying the short months with the Cullen's reveling in the pain. I deserved this pain; I was selfish and horrid and I didn't deserve to live.

"It's almost over Anna" Alice's soft voice whispered into my ear. I shuddered at her cool breath, and lost all my concentration. Hopes of _maybe I am good enough_ tore into me and the pain of reality threatened to rip me in half as a slow agonized moan escaped my lips. Alice quickly held my hand and wiped my sweaty face. If only she knew how much pain she was causing within my shattered heart.

"Anna, please talk to me. Why are you holding it in? Let it out, it's okay! I'm here for you"

I knew Alice was trying to make me feel better but rage flooded my heart as I weakly shrugged my hand out from hers. I opened my eyes and looked directly into her confused hurt eyes. I know it was wrong to get angry at her, in fact I wasn't even angry with her. I was angry at myself, for believing her, for wanting this, for being too weak to handle myself. I knew that if I continued believing in their guilt-induced lies I wouldn't ever be able to get back up if they left. If I was being completely honest with myself I knew that I wouldn't survive already when they left me again.

"Anna?" Alice paused looking down at her empty hand while looking for something to say. "I'm sorry." She mumbled almost to quiet for my still human ears to catch. She quickly got up from her kneeling position by my head and looked sadly at me once more over her shoulder before leaving the room. Carlisle followed behind her.

Even though I knew she was in the same house the pain in my heart was smothering. I had completely forgotten about the pain from the venom. The knife in my heart twisted angrily ripping the flesh to shreds as I let out a choked sob. _Alice... ALICE!_

I couldn't say her name out loud in fear someone would hear me, so I screamed it in my head. All the pain from the six months they were missing was swelling up and I had no more energy physically or emotionally to do anything about it. The walls in my mind were down and so there I lay dying from the inside out.

I knew I couldn't do this anymore. I had to end it before it got any worse. Gathering up all my strength I slowly lifted myself off the bed. The venom jerked wildly inside my veins as I forced my weak body to respond. It was such an odd feeling. I knew it should have hurt but the crippling pain was only found in my broken heart.

Now standing I looked around the pale room. It seemed I was in one of the Cullen spare rooms, with cream bed sheets and a matching cream leather couch in the corner of the room. There was nothing I was able to use to help me rid the Cullen's of myself, probably all removed when I got here to ensure I 'lived'. I had guessed Alice would have seen my decision to end my life in the forest; so I quickly cleared all thoughts as I painfully walked over towards the window across the room. It appeared we were on the third floor and a fair distance away from the ground. Smiling I realized that in my weakened state I would never survive if I were to 'accidentally' throw myself out the window.

I slowly removed the clasp; unlocking the window and slid it noiselessly open. It held no screen which also caused me to smile. _No need for a screen if you never open the window._

Stretching my leg over the windowsill I quickly pulled myself out the window and looked down. Did I really want to do this? _Of course you do… and if you don't you ought to. What, did you think that the Cullen's would miss you? They may have said they wouldn't let you die but if __**you**__ kill yourself that would put no guilt on them. Just do it, you're a waste of skin anyway. Useless, completely useless; stop being so selfish you piece of shit and finish what Mark and Jacob couldn't. _I shook my head. As much as I didn't want to believe the voice in my head I knew it was right. So after taking a deep breath I couldn't help but whisper:

"I really did love you. Why wasn't I enough?" before falling towards the ground.


	6. Chapter 6

It was finally going to be over; even if they were vampires they would never be able to get to me on time. The ground was coming closer every moment, but it was as if time slowed down and I was watching everything in slow motion. I regretted my decision; I was too young to die, but I knew it was the only way.

Questions such as "will it hurt" and "where will I go" passed through my head as time suddenly sped up and I was meters from the ground. _Finally_

Seconds from falling a streak of blonde appeared below catching me gently in their solid arms. I cried out in pain and could feel the instant bruises begin to appear on my back where I landed. The sudden realization that we were moving drew my attention back. I was still alive. _Pitiful… you can't even die right._

"Why won't you humans ever learn?" Rosalie's eyes were dark as she continued running through the forest. "Is it not enough that we save your life? Why can't you show some decency and help us a little?" I could feel the growl she wanted to release but she kept it firmly within her chest.

Her words cut me deep, but I refused to answer. I knew that if I said anything I would most likely hurt her feelings. I'd caused enough pain already, so I kept silent and waited until she slowed her pace.

She eventually did and when I looked around we were in the middle of a clearing with a small pond glistening with ice crystals kissing its surface. I had figured we wouldn't be in Forks with Jacob and the wolves threatening to hunt them, but I didn't expect to be so far north. While we were running I hadn't noticed how cold the wind was, or the small patches of frost everywhere.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked.

"We're going to talk… just you and me." Her eyes still hadn't brightened, but they no longer looked angry. She handed me her winter jacket then stared at my bowed head for a few seconds before asking;

"What happened when we left?"

Rosalie Hale was the Cullen I knew the least when they lived in Forks. I always understood why she didn't talk to me much, first there was Bella and all the drama with her and Edward, and then not two months after she was finally changed, I pop into the picture and cause more drama. She was never outright rude to me like she was to Bella when they first met, but she never made an effort to talk to me. From what I knew of Rosalie, she didn't pussyfoot around anything. When she had something to say, no matter how painful she would just say it and then live with whatever consequence she received. This moment was no different.

I choked silently as pictures filed into my head, fogged by forced lack of remembering, the first week after they left consumed my vision. I saw so many memories and realized none of them were happy.

I choked back a sob and rubbed at my heart. I knew it wouldn't help anything but I couldn't help but try tone down the unbelievable pain the memories caused.

"Anna… talk to me." Rosalie was now kneeling by my side gripping my shoulders trying to get me to look into her eyes. I refused and tried my best to look anywhere else. Finally she grabbed my chin and forced me to meet her gaze. I could see the guarded mask of her eyes. What one would first assume to be determination I knew what the true look in her eyes was. It was something I was forced to look at every time I looked in a mirror. It was the look of fear and pain.

I sighed. "It doesn't matter does it? No matter what I do… I end up hurting the people I love. I don't deserve to live."

I could hear Rosalie's soft growl but refused to look her in the eye.

"Rose… I'll make everything better if you just leave me here. I'll drown myself… die of hypothermia… I don't care… just… please." The self-hatred was consuming me from the inside out.

When she didn't reply I gave up; I couldn't handle it any longer and so I looked up into her eyes and was shocked by what I saw. Her arms were wrapped around her jacketless torso and she was sobbing quietly.

"Ro…Rose?" I stammered. I couldn't understand why she was acting this way. From what I learned from Alice; crying for a vampire was very painful because the need for release could never be met.

"Oh god… oh god… what did we do?"

I rushed to her side and brushed her blonde curls gently out of her eyes.

"What are you talking about Rosalie? You didn't do anything"

When I tried grabbing Rose's hand to help her up she flew back from my touch and snarled softly. I couldn't move I was so stunned. _I told you, you were disgusting… even Rosalie can't stand your touch, what makes you think she'll want you around their house?_

"Please… I can't watch anymore" Rosalie bowed her head ashamed and slowly walked towards me again. "How did you do that Anna? I could see… so much pain. You were so scared. You tried to fight but you couldn't. I saw it so many times… different people every time… and then all I could see was the dead defeated look on your face."

I backed up at her words. _What is she talking about?_ But I already knew. She knew something I never intended any of the Cullen's to know about.

"Anna… when were you raped?" Rosalie whispered.

Tears streamed down my face as I backed up farther. My back was now towards the pond and I knew I was close to the edge. The pain from the venom was beginning to come back as ripples of pain ripped through my heart.

"What do you care?" I muttered. I know it must have hurt her, but it was true! Just because bad things happened while they were away they were going to feel sorry for me? It was just another reason for them to feel guilty and keep me around. I was disgusted with myself. I wasn't sure how she found out but I somehow knew it was my fault. Once again I was causing them pain.

"What do you mean? Of course I care!" She was getting upset now, but I couldn't quite bring myself to care. Fury pulsed through my veins.

"You left!" I whispered. I knew by telling her all this I was only going to hurt myself, but I couldn't do it anymore… I couldn't handle how nice they were being, I couldn't handle it because the reality that they would leave again was constantly shredding my heart. "I loved you all, but that wasn't good enough. No one said goodbye… no one said anything. Imagine it Rose… one day you're sitting there in total bliss because of how happy you are; and then you learn that your entire life left you. Imagine learning it from people who want to kill you because you were friends with the enemy; sitting there and telling you to your face, enjoying the pain." I was shouting now, the tears continued to flow violently down my cheeks. "Imagine living every day wishing you were dead, but because of that small shred of hope that your life would come back for you, you don't kill yourself. Finally when they do, you realize that they still don't love you and only take care of you because of their un-necessary guilt. Can you imagine that Rose? Yes I went through hard times, but don't you dare start to feel sorry for me, pretending that you care, when I know that you don't." I began hysterically laughing even though nothing I just said was humorous. "Even monsters aren't this cruel."

I was getting dizzy now and black surrounded the edges of my eyesight. Backing up slightly I could feel the pond's cold water pooled around my feet. The shock of the cold caused me to momentarily forget what I was saying. It made me forget the memories, the pain in my heart, everything; so I continued backing up relishing the pain the cold water caused against my burning skin.

"Stop Anna, you're still human, that can kill you" Rosalie got up from her sitting position and began slowly walking towards me.

"Good." I whispered before I dived myself backwards into the freezing pond.


	7. Chapter 7

Bliss… That was the only way I could describe how I felt. The cold water drained every ounce of heat within my body leaving only the cold. I could feel nothing but the fiery sting against my skin. But bliss never lasts forever as I felt two solid arms gripping my waste and pushing me towards the surface.

The fresh air farther cooled my frosty skin once I was fully out of the pond. The water slowly began to turn to ice as Rosalie began running home. I knew I was cold, I could feel my body shaking violently as the wind kissed my wet face, but I was numb emotionally and physically; if I was in a better state of mind I probably would have been worried but all I could think about was how content I was at the moment.

Slowly my eyes began to drift closed but an annoying shaking woke me back up.

"Anna, you need to stay awake. You can sleep soon." Rosalie's panicked voice reminded me of another time… When Alice was running me to their house; what was it with this family and keeping me awake? I would have laughed at the irony but my eyes began shutting again against my will to keep them open. Finally I gave up and they closed, but I was still slightly conscious.

A temperature change announced the entrance of the Cullen home as Rosalie called out Carlisle's voice.

"Where have you been Rosalie? And with Anna…" Carlisle stopped mid sentence no doubt when he saw both of our drenched bodies, me barely alive. "Hurry up and help me get her out of these clothes."

I could feel myself being placed gently on a soft surface; probably my…my heart clenched…their spare room, and could feel my shirt being removed.

Six months ago I would have been embarrassed but now I was used people pulling off my clothes, I tried fighting it but like usual two strong hands held mine so I couldn't fight. Tears rolled down my face as I waited for what was to come. I still couldn't open my eyes as the images of the men who abused and raped me flashed behind my clenched lids.

I could feel hands touching me and instinctively I cringed away from them. Nothing was making sense anymore, I knew I was at the Cullen's house and that they wouldn't do anything to me but I was too far gone in the horrible memories.

"Please… stop! I don't know where they are!" I screamed when I felt someone unbutton my pants.

The hands holding mine down suddenly released me. I automatically brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I was shaking and I knew it wasn't from the wet clothes. I may have been used to it, but it still terrified me as the images slowly faded away. I could practically hear their horrible voices whispering promises of _"Until tomorrow."_

"What's wrong with her?" Carlisle quietly asked Rosalie across the room. I don't think I was supposed to hear what they were saying but I guessed my hearing was more advanced from the change.

"She was raped Carlisle. I don't know how I know that, but one second I was holding her chin so that she would look at me and the next I was thrown into some sort of a dream like reality watching Anna get…" She choked "Carlisle, those men. So many of them, I could see the look of defeat on her face; that look! Oh god… I thought I was done with this!"

I could hear Rosalie's broken sobs getting more distant as her and Carlisle walked out of the room and down the hallway. No more than a couple seconds later I could feel a tiny familiar hand brush the hair out of my still closed eyes. Even though I knew who it was I flinched and curled my arms tighter around my knees.

"Oh Anna… what happened when we were gone? I wish you would tell me. In a day you will become a vampire, and then what will happen? This was a mistake… I shouldn't have even met you… but god am I happy I did." Alice whispered quietly while stroking my hair softly.

I was positive that she wasn't intending for me to hear her say that, but I did, and I was so confused about what she meant. _Why is she happy she met me? Did she enjoy killing me?_ I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew the Cullen's were good people but were they really? Maybe Edward was right and they were all monsters; not because they are vampires, but because they openly hurt humans in this way.

My thoughts drifted as I felt the welcoming numbing feeling of sleep pulse through my body. Tomorrow would be my last day.


	8. Chapter 8

It was quiet… very quiet. Due to me hearing Alice and Rosalie speak yesterday I knew I would have been able to hear something if anyone was home. But the entire house was silent. '_They left,'_ my mind whispered as I slowly opened my eyes and sat up.

Everything was so bright and vivid. I gasped in surprise but quickly held my throat when an intense burning choked me up. '_You're thirsty'_ my mind whispered again.

I growled softly in response and began looking around, searching for a mirror. I walked towards the bathroom and pushed the door open. Even though the light was off I could see myself clearly in the bathroom mirror.

My dark brown hair lightened up a couple shades and flowed slightly past my shoulders. For the most part I looked the same, just with fewer blemishes, and all of my scars were missing. The greatest change about my appearance was the now ruby red eyes that stared directly at me. There seemed to be a somewhat animalistic look in my eye which occasionally faded into one of pain. I knew I would have to be very careful about what emotion my eyes let the Cullens see. _If you ever see them again, they left… remember?_ My heart ached.

It was the oddest feeling. As though the pain in my heart increased as the heartbeat decreased. Who knew an undead heart could feel so much hurt and pain. I grunted under the strain and rubbed my chest where my un-beating heart lay.

Something in the air shifted as a new scent wafted through the bathroom. I could hear the soft feet of one of the Cullens entering the house and ascending the stairs.

"Anna?" Alice called out my name. I guessed she had a vision of me waking up and came back. But why would she come back if the entire family left? '_Guilt is a very strong emotion,_ _Anna,'_ my mind chastised.

I sighed in response to both Alice and my mind. The throbbing feeling at the back of my throat was beginning to get painful as Alice entered the room and leaned against the doorjamb of the bathroom.

She gasped when she saw me and instinctively I tried covering my body with my hands. Looking down I couldn't help but look towards the mirror again. '_I'm not that ugly am I?'_

I could see Alice's and my reflection and realized that it was true. Even when I became a vampire, I was nothing compared to her beauty. All hopes of being good enough for the Cullens shot out the window as I closed my eyes and viciously turned away from the mirror in disgust.

"Anna? Are you okay?" Alice asked in a worried voice. Even though my eyes were closed I could feel her hand move from her side and extend towards my shoulder.

Stepping out of her reach, I opened my eyes and flashed her a cold look. Alice quickly pulled her hand back to her side and took a tiny step back.

"Anna?" she asked again, caution coloring her still worried tone. "What's the matter with you?"

"With me?" I chuckled darkly without humor. "If only you knew."

"So tell me, then," Alice whispered, looking me in the eyes. "Why keep it to yourself? Families are supposed to help each other!"

"I don't have a family," I spat, almost regretting it when Alice's face crumpled, hurt.

"Yes you do," Alice whispered quietly, looking down at her feet.

Pain swirled around my heart clenching it for all it was worth. She said I had a family… families don't just leave you! '_You have no one,'_ my mind continually whispered, causing me to shake faintly. Why does she keep doing this to me?

The pain jolted in my heart once again as I held my breath. This was ridiculous! I was positive that if I was a human still my knees would have buckled and I would have been a sobbing mass on the floor. But I continued to keep a straight face, holding the war within myself deep in my body so Alice couldn't see it. Even if I hated the Cullens I loved them more than anything in this world. And I never wanted to do anything to hurt them, even though that was all I seemed to be doing lately.

"We're your family," Alice whispered again moving forward slightly when I didn't reply. She reached out for me again, and I let her. I couldn't move, paralyzed by pain. But I quickly clenched my eyes shut and jerked my hand away once I felt her soft fingers brushing the top of my hand.

"Just stop!" I shouted at her, causing her to jump in surprise. "Why can't you just leave me alone? You already did what you sought out to do, you broke me. There's nothing left of me now, so why are you still playing your little game? Why can't you just… let me go?" My voice cracked as I tore my eyes off my feet and risked a look at Alice.

She was shaking faintly and I could see the battle raging behind her eyes._ 'Look what you've done!'_ my mind shouted at me. I quietly sucked in my breath and held it. '_Too bad you can't die from that,'_ my head muttered cruelly as I bowed my head again in embarrassment.

Minutes went by as the room remained silent; everything was still other than Alice's shallow breathing, which was odd considering there were two of us in the bathroom. That's when I realized that I hadn't yet released the breath I was holding from before.

I slowly released my breath and inhaled deeply, suddenly falling to the ground. An agonized groan echoed through the bathroom. If I was in any less pain I might have looked around to find the source, but I realized soon after another was released that it was releasing those piteous noises.

My throat was on fire. I needed something, anything to soothe the pain. I cried out as another violent wave of thirst rolled through my body.

"Alice!" I rasped. I knew she would know what to do. I closed my eyes as a horrifying thought hit me; what if she didn't help me? She could very well leave me in this bathroom, or throw me out of the house leaving the human population of wherever we were at my hands. Eventually the Werewolves would hear of my slaughter and seek me out and then I would forever be out of the Cullens' hair.

Panic spiked as I visualized how torturously painful my death would be in the clutches of the sadistic Werewolves.

"Shit," Alice cursed under her breath, quickly kneeling to my side and brushing the hair out of my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you were thirsty?" she chastised as another agonized groan escaped my lips.

"I was a little busy… please," I begged through strained breathing. "It hurts so badly," I gasped as another bolt of pain caused me to cringe.

"Can you walk?" Alice asked, standing up

I tried getting up but quickly folded back onto the floor writhing in pain.

Alice nodded her head as she bent over and cradled me in her petite arms. She then took off running. Now that my sense of sight was so much more advanced, it no longer felt like we were flying at impossible speeds. In fact, I could see everything around me in perfect detail.

"Anna… you need to try and stay calm out here," she spoke quickly, looking down at me.

I remained silent for a second after nodding my head in agreement, but curiosity began to take over and I choked out my question.

"What's going to happen?"

Even though I had been through a lot of stuff in my life, killing and ravaging a live animal was not on that list. A few years ago I had actually gone through an animal activist phase and refused to eat any type of meat. I could have never guessed I would be the one causing pain to the animals now.

"Anna," Alice's voice grabbed my attention, "I need you to stay here while I get you something… can you do that?" Alice asked nervously stopping in the middle of a small clearing. She began putting me down.

"Why are you nervous?" I asked, but the answer came soon enough when a blue jay flew above us. I lunged up from my spot on a boulder but quickly lost my footing and fell to the ground. I was very weak.

I groaned loudly and choked back the sobs. I was so thirsty.

"Stay here," Alice demanded before running out of the clearing and disappearing from sight altogether.

I wouldn't lie and say that I wasn't scared. I knew it was silly to be when I was literally at the top of the food chain. But human memories of being trapped in the forest with Mark and the wolves flashed over my eyes making me shudder in revulsion.

I breathed in deeply once again and swooned at the smell in the air. My body instantly knew what was coming as Alice's tiny body reappeared in the clearing carrying a large buck deer. If I hadn't been so distracted by the smell of the deer's blood I might have laughed at how funny she looked.

Alice looked over towards me and slowly put the deer down a couple meters in front of me. She then moved somewhere to the side but I wasn't focused on her. My gaze was set on the meal ahead of me. I could see a small trail of blood run down its broken neck and I shuddered in need.

Pulling one arm in front of the other I slowly dragged myself closer to the pray, the scent of its blood drawing strength that was hidden deep inside of me. I could practically taste what was to come as I lunged the last meter towards my meal.

The blood gushed down my throat as I moaned in ecstasy. It was unlike anything I had ever eaten before. Soft, warm, thick; I shuddered as I swallowed another mouthful, soothing the fire within me.

And then as quickly as the blood came, it was gone. I tore my teeth out of the deer's throat and farther broke its neck, trying to get more of the precious nectar it should have possessed, but there was none to be had.

I moaned in loss when I heard a couple twigs break behind me. Even though I should have known it would only be Alice, my predator state of mind sparked to action as I turned around and hissed loudly.


	9. Chapter 9

I was crouched down and hissing when Alice slowly put her arms in front of her as a sign of peace.

"Anna… it's just me. I'm not going to do anything I promise." Alice whispered slowly taking a couple steps towards me.

When Alice said her name a spark of familiarity jolted through my mind. Suddenly images of the happy times we had together attacked my brain causing my hissing to halt and my stance to slacken. I could see all the times when Alice and I would sit there talking in my room while my parents slept peacefully, and how she would drag me across the state for a "spectacular" day of shopping because she "saw" the perfect outfit. And then the last night I saw her; when we were sitting at the lamp stand, me falling asleep on her shoulder. I was so happy.

Slowly the memories shifted to when the Cullen's left, and everything that had happened to me then; my parents dying at the hands of Jacob Black, me being raped day after day until I couldn't scream anymore, being abused my Mark, sitting alone, broken and bruised wishing I would just die…

I snarled loudly, my eyes flashing back towards Alice as she took another step towards me. This was not my friend. A friend could never do something like that to someone they supposedly "loved".

"Anna… calm down." Alice begged as she stilled her movements. I hadn't noticed before but I was shaking and a low pained whining ripped through my chest.

Alice slowly began walking towards me again. "Remember who you are, it's okay, nothing's going to happen… I'm here for you."

I looked directly into Alice's eyes and slowly fell to my knees. I couldn't fight anymore. I couldn't handle the agonizing pain. I fell to my side and calmed my breaths until I was hardly breathing at all.

Alice appeared at my side and cautiously pulled my head onto her lap. She was looking for anything physically wrong with me even though she knew it was impossible because I was now a vampire. Finally she stilled her hands and brushed the hair out of my eyes looking deep into them. I gazed steadily back into her eyes welcoming the numb feeling flowing through my body. I knew there was a danger in giving up, but at that moment I didn't care, I couldn't feel anything, and I hoped that I never would again.

"I give up." I mumbled as I slowly looked away and fixed my gaze on a squished leaf by my head.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, shaking me lightly to grab my attention again. She gasped when I looked back at her, no doubt at the dead, defeated look in my eyes.

"I give up" I repeated pitifully while Alice slowly lifted me up and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. After a couple minutes she pulled me back and then rested our foreheads together.

I could suddenly feel Alice faintly shaking and a low choked sob broke the silence.

"Alice?" I asked, pulling our heads apart so I could see her face. I gasped when I saw a mask of pain, her eyes were clenched shut and she was still shaking gripping my arms tightly. I moved my hand up to try and loosen her hands when, she lunged away from me. _I'm starting to sense a pattern_.

"What did you do?" Alice asked me blinking several times as if to try and erase a mental scaring.

I remained silent. Even through the numbing haze I could feel my heart threatening to break in half. Little did she know I had asked myself that very question since the first time I met her.

I forced myself to look her in the eye again, mentally preparing myself for the pain that was sure to come, when I gasped. Alice's iris' were dark as night, as she began shaking with anger.

"The hospital…" She ground out through clenched teeth.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered.

I had a fairly good idea what she was talking about though. Something happened again when Alice touched me, and I knew she saw something that happened to me. I slowly laid my head back and sighed quietly, thinking back to what she might be talking about.

Back after my parents died, the police forced me to go to therapy in the psyche-ward at the hospital until I got over the trauma of my parent's death. I couldn't move, I wouldn't speak, it was like I was trapped within my mind, only my nightmares making me scream.

I remembered one particular day I had been looking out the window when something caught my eye at the side of the forest. A person walked a couple steps out of the protective canopy of the forest and looked directly up at my window. I gasped in fear as Jacob smirked ruthlessly at me and drew his finger across his neck. He did this every day until the night I broke out.

Fits of terror would wrack my body. Jacob's threats lingered in all of the corners of my mind, threatening to drive me past insanity. The night always held my darkest hours. I would see shapes in the dark. Sometimes it would be Alice smiling at me, telling me this was all a sick joke. Sometimes it would be Jacob, demanding where the Cullens were; his tall muscular form transforming into a hideous wolf before my eyes.

Before I had thought I would be safe behind the walls of the hospital, but after I started seeing Jacob outside my window every day, I knew that whether I was hidden behind these walls or out on my own, he would eventually come for me.

That night I had come to a decision. I wasn't going to run anymore, there was no point. Everything I ever wanted from life was either dead, or left. There was nothing for them to take away from me. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live any longer.

I waited night after night for the moment where I would be able to leave and finally the time arose. I grabbed my clothes, and broke out of the hospital, never returning, not even when the injuries inflicted by Mark got really bad. I was to scared they would recognize me if I went back, and so I just lived with the pain.

---

I closed my eyes and wished I could lose myself to sleep. At least when I slept I wasn't aware of what was going on. I could escape my reality into the slightly dimmer times of my nightmares.

Even though I kept my eyes closed, I could hear Alice moving and could instantly feel her presence by my side. Her scent washed through the area calming my raging emotions as I sighed contentedly.

I chastised myself for letting her have such a hold on me, but realized that I would be fighting a losing battle if I tried to stop it. Even if I didn't deserve it, I wanted it so desperately. Just being around her made me feel more whole. Like if I had her around, I would finally be able to be happy, and be alright. Like I could finally live and not just survive.

"Anna, please talk to me." Alice begged pleadingly. "I can't do this anymore; I need to know what I did to you. This guilt is tearing me apart. I wouldn't have thought I could ever feel like this again, but I am. I do!"

I stayed silent slowly working through everything she just told me. It was confirmed. She felt guilty and therefore she is trying to help me by opening up? And what did she mean by _feel like this again_?

At school before I gathered my courage to talk to Alice, I had heard the rumors that her long-time boyfriend Jasper had left and that they were no longer together. A lot of the boys wanted to try and snag her, but something about her just kept them away. I had always wanted to ask her what happened, but I knew she would tell me when she was ready. Turns out I never got the chance.

Alice sighed frustrated and stood up. "I think you should take her for another deer. I doubt that one would have done much but take the edge of the thirst away."

I had known that another Cullen came into the clearing, but I had no will to find out which one it happened to be. I could tell it was Emmett though when I heard him move towards Alice and uselessly whisper in her ear, why was I was on the ground, and not responding to anything.

Alice didn't reply, but when she was leaving I could feel the pain in my heart increase the farther she ran away from us.

When I lost all trace of her I sighed once again and finally opened my eyes slowly to look into the expectant face of Emmett.

"So you finally decided to 'wake up'?" Emmett laughed loudly. Normally I would be charmed by his child-like humor but I didn't feel anything as I moved up into a standing position.

I turned towards him and began walking past him to the awaiting forest but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back in-front of him.

I cringed at the physical touch but managed to keep a neutral face as he released my arm.

"You can't honestly still be mad at me… I hardly did anything! And I didn't even have much of a choice." Emmett looked a little miffed but it was nothing compared to the anger he stirred up within me.

I took a step back and glared into his golden eyes. "You left…" I whipped out with as much venom as I could muster in my numb-like state. "You had a choice, and you left, just like the rest of them. Do you have any idea what I went through while you were gone? Any?"

Emmett shook his head confident that I couldn't have been through very much. I was human back then after all.

I wanted to sit there and scream out every tiny thing that happened to me, everything I kept inside myself. I wanted to tell him about how I was rapped, stuck in a psyche-ward, abused, destroyed; everything. I wanted him to know that he could have prevented so much had he just been there. But he never cared enough… I was never good enough for his help.

I lifted my head and pushed past him. He froze when I pushed his bare arm to move him out of the way. Something changed again, and I could feel the softest of energies leaving through my hand where it touched Emmett. What did I just do?

Emmett stood very still before he bowed his head and moved out of my way.

Instead of getting involved with what happened I began running through the forest at break-neck speeds enjoying how the wind flew through my hair.

Even though Emmett seemed dazed he still kept up and occasionally told me to change directions when I was leading us towards civilization.

Up ahead I could see a small herd of deer. The venom pooled in my mouth and all thoughts disappeared from my mind. All I could think about was getting that deer and what it possessed into me.

I stealthily ran towards it, making no noise as I took a large buck away from the pack and began carrying it a couple meters away before bending down and claiming my meal.

When I finished Emmett led me back towards the house, but before he walked into the door I stopped and stayed back by the tree line.

"Aren't you coming in?" He asked quietly, still looking down. Ever since I touched him he hasn't looked me in the eye. Normally I would've been slightly offended, but all I could feel was the sting of unworthiness.

"No." Was all I murmured before sitting down on the grass, my back against a tree. Emmett nodded his head and walked through the door into his house.

I smacked my head against the tree wanting any type of pain that didn't come from my heart, but no pain was to be had. I couldn't even cut myself to help resolve the scattered emotions I felt. It was hopeless.

_And you have to live an eternity like this_ my mind whispered cruelly. _Or do you?_

I shuddered at the meaning behind my mind's words. Alice had told me the events Edward and Bella went through when Edward left. She told me that when Edward wanted to kill himself, when she was with Bella and getting all of his visions, he couldn't decide between the two only possible ways. The werewolves, or the Volturi.

I pushed my head against the tree once again trying to clear my jumbled thoughts, as I pondered which one I would choose.


	10. Chapter 10

The rain poured out of the sky, seemingly crying the tears I could never again shed. I hadn't moved for hours. It began raining shortly after Emmett went inside but I still refused to go into their house. I didn't deserve it; I was getting what I deserved. It actually would have been more deserving if I could die from the cold.

The door to the house opened and shut but I still looked up at the dark sky wishing it would swallow me up.

"Can I sit here?" a soft voice asked.

"Why are you asking me? It's your house…" I whispered back, looking into her soft eyes.

"It's yours too, you know…" Alice grumbled, sitting down beside me and leaning against the tree.

Even though I truly didn't mind I couldn't handle the pain of her being so close, so I shifted a couple centimeters away from her barely leaning against the tree anymore.

A hurt look clouded her features but she quickly wiped it off her face and replaced it with a timid smile.

"Emmett told me you took your own deer." Alice smiled at me but I could only stare back. If only she knew what she was doing to me. "He seemed a little… different… when you guys got back."

I sighed and prepared myself for the question to come.

"What happened?" Alice inquired offhandedly. I knew she was just trying to keep me at bay so I wouldn't get angry again. She must have been getting sick of me always yelling at her. Even if it was the last thing I wanted to do to her, my anger would get in the way and I would say something hurtful. I hated myself.

"I don't know…" I murmured. And it was true; I didn't know anything these days.

I placed my head in my hands, covering my face from the world. Why did my life have to be like this? Why couldn't I have a normal life, with a mom and dad who weren't killed by a sadistic werewolf, and a best friend who wasn't a vampire that left me for dead? A choked sob wracked my body as those thoughts swirled around my head.

"Why?" I croaked, only half expecting an answer.

"Why what?" Alice questioned, slowly moving herself closer towards me.

Her arm brushed against mine and I shivered at the contact. My heart clenched painfully as her arm wrapped around my waist and she laid her head against my shoulder. I sobbed again from the fight raging within me; to give in and tell her or to continue protecting my heart the best I could. Alice's arm only tightened around me, causing both a wave a comfort and pain to roll through my quaking body.

"Why won't you forgive me?" Alice cried quietly. It took me a couple seconds to realize she was crying.

It hurt. All I could ever feel was hurt. All I could produce was hurt. No matter what I did, I always hurt. And this was no exception.

I moved out of Alice's warm embrace and stood up. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I knew I had to do it.

"I'll leave."

Alice's eyes widened at my announcement as she quickly stood up and walked towards me. I could tell she was looking deep within my eyes, trying to find the catch, but there was none to be found. I knew what I now had to do to help Alice and the rest of the Cullens, and that was to remove myself from the equation. I had made my decision.

Alice's eyes clouded over as she fell to her knees at the impact of her vision. She began shaking and whispered "No" over and over again. I could do nothing but stand there and watch as the one person I ever loved broke down at my feet.

My heart sighed. _Love._ Yes I loved Alice, I always had. I just wasn't sure to what extent. It was very clear now as I stood there watching her fall apart. I realized that my love was a lot more than as a friend. It destroyed me inside that I could never do anything about it.

"It's just… better this way, Alice. I'll leave and then you and your family won't have to worry about me anymore."

For a moment I thought she didn't hear me, but her back began heaving and choked sobs ripped from her chest. Slowly she moved towards me and gripped one of my legs.

"You can't leave me. Please don't leave me!" Alice cried, tightening her grip on my ankle.

"Alice, I'm not leaving you; I'm ridding you of me! God what do you want from me?!" I screamed now falling to my knees.

I was now face to face with Alice, her golden eyes begging me for something I couldn't give.

"I want you to live! And not hand yourself over to the werewolves! I want you to be happy, and forgive our family! I want you to forgive me!" Alice exclaimed, shaking my shoulders softly. "I want you to stay here with me forever, and not leave me. Learn from my mistake, Anna!"

She finally stopped shaking my shoulders and moved one of her hands to brush the hair out of my eyes. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, memorizing Alice's scent and touch.

"Why did you leave?" I sobbed, opening my eyes, letting Alice see every emotion I was feeling. I was falling apart at the seams; I had no more strength to fight.

Alice caressed my cheek for a couple seconds before she let out a shaky breath and looked back into my eyes. I could see the fierce determination and pain pooling in her own.

"Because I loved you; I still love you. Ever since I met you, I've loved you. And it scared me. Edward found Bella, and now after Jasper left, I found you. But you were human… I couldn't do it, Anna. I couldn't handle hurting you the way Edward hurt Bella…. So I left. It was only supposed to be breaking a friendship. I never wanted to hurt you, never. If I had known that any of those things would happen to you, I wouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry. Please, I know I don't deserve it, but I need your forgiveness. I need to know I have a chance."

I closed my eyes tight and stopped breathing. Ever since I met Alice I had wanted her to say those words to me. '_She loves me? How is that possible? How do you love someone who doesn't deserve it?'_

"Alice…" I whimpered. I didn't deserve this; I didn't deserve her love, her kindness, her family; I didn't deserve anything… And yet, here I was, receiving it all.

I began shaking forcefully as I launched myself at her, holding her tightly as I broke down. She wrapped her hands around my back holding me securely against her as my cries and sobs increased in volume.

"It hurts! Oh god it hurts!" I moaned in agonized pain as my heart completely shattered within my chest. I tightened my grip as Alice shifted beneath me. She slowly sat us up and gently rocked me against her body and hummed a soft tune into my ear.

Time stopped it seemed, as we both became enveloped in a vacuum of agony; me letting everything out since she left, and Alice sitting there through it all, holding me together so I couldn't lose myself completely to the pain.

After a long while, her calming techniques began to take effect and I stopped sobbing and writhing in pain. I just sat on her, clutching tightly to her should she disappear again.

"Anna." Alice sighed hugging me closer to her body. "I am so sorry."

I looked up into her pained eyes and smiled gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for, I forgive you."

Alice's face lit up as she lowered her head and kissed my forehead. I tensed up slightly before melting into her arms. Even if I had forgiven her, I still couldn't quite trust her. But I would concentrate on that at a time when I wasn't laying in her arms.


	11. Chapter 11

After a couple of hours, Alice finally convinced me to go into the house and ever since then I hadn't let go of her once. I knew it was selfish, having to have some type of contact with her at all times, but I couldn't handle not being near her. She was gone for nearly seven months and could disappear at any moment if I wasn't careful. Thankfully, she didn't seem to mind, though she would give me a questioning glance every so often.

I led us past her family who was shooting Alice strange expressions about what was going on with me. Luckily though, no one said anything, but I knew their curiosity would eventually win out and I would have to answer some questions. I sighed as Alice and I made it up to Alice's bedroom.

Once the door was closed I led us towards the bed and began to lie down. Alice paused after sitting and then began standing up again, trying to release my hand. I knew she wasn't going to go very far but when she tried taking her hand away my eyes widened as the panic began overwhelming me. I scurried off the bed, refusing to let go of her hand, and stood up beside her giving her a weak smile.

Alice stilled and gave me a look that made me bow my head in embarrassment, but she never said anything. She led us towards her stand up dresser and took out a big blanket with one arm. She then closed the doors and led me back towards the bed where she laid us down and spread the blanket awkwardly with one hand. I helped with my free hand and finally after a couple of minutes we were comfortably situated in the middle of the bed.

I released her hand and snaked both my arms around her waist using her shoulder as my pillow. I could feel Alice smile as she pulled the blanket up and began rubbing my back. We both knew the blanket was useless because we didn't need heat, but it was a comfort none-the-less.

"This was a great idea," I breathed, my face nuzzling the blanket and Alice's shoulder, inhaling deeply.

--

After a little while, Alice stopped rubbing my back. When I looked up I realized she was distracted by deep thought. I knew she would talk when she was ready, so I snuggled closer to her and sighted contentedly, once again inhaling her scent. It only took a couple minutes before Alice began to speak.

"Not that I'm complaining… but why wouldn't you let go of my hand before? I wasn't going anyw-" She paused, looking at my slightly panicked face and answering her own question. "You think I'm going to leave again… don't you?" she inquired sadly.

I closed my eyes tightly and stopped breathing. Even just saying it sent a frenzied panic throughout my heart.

Alice noticing my distress began rubbing my back again while softly humming another soothing tune. I finally began calming down as I released my breath and opened my eyes.

I looked up towards Alice's face and smiled at what I saw. She was so beautiful, no one in the world could ever compare to her. Not even Rosalie. I sighed happily and lifted my hand to trace the side of her face. For some reason, being like this, holding onto Alice and feeling so safe and warm reminded me of that last night at the lamp stand. I began reliving the memory as I ran my fingers all over Alice's face, memorizing every feel of it.

Alice smiled and closed her eyes, leaning into my hand as it traveled her face.

"You were so happy that night," she whispered.

My hand froze and Alice opened her eyes and gazed at mine. They held some kind of strain. I couldn't quite tell what the emotion was and before I could get too lost in her eyes she looked away and began rubbing my back gently again.

"The night we spent out on the street," Alice continued. "You were so happy, but I had to ruin everything."

She slowly lifted her hand and traced around my eyes a couple times.

"I missed the light in your eyes when you looked at me. You looked up to me, expecting me to protect you." Alice sighed clearly lost in the memory. "I felt so wanted…Who knew that I would be the one you needed protection from?"

Alice dropped her hand and began to get up. I shifted slightly so she could sit, but when she went to stand I began to panic and gripped side of the bed. A loud crack sounded throughout the room as my strong fingers began crushing the wood siding on her bed.

Alice sat back down on the bed and turned to look at me. I couldn't bring myself to look at her, ashamed of what I was doing, and afraid of what her reaction would be, but too worried to truly care. Two pale hands moved over mine and slowly forced me to let go of the now dismembered siding and held my hands gently.

"I'm not going to leave you, I've learned my lesson," Alice declared, squeezing my hands lightly.

I looked into her eyes but I couldn't help but feel skeptical, even though they possessed nothing but sincerity, love, and some sadness. Shaking my head lightly I let go of one of her hands and looked down at the other joined pair.

I wanted so badly to believe her words, to trust her that she wouldn't leave me. But I knew that if I gave her my trust again, and it broke, I would never recover. Vampire or not my heart wouldn't be able to take it again.

I knew I was being selfish… but I couldn't seem to help it. I never wanted to leave Alice's side. She had said she loved me but it pained me to no end that I knew she would never feel the same way about me as I do about her. '_Of course Alice doesn't feel the same,'_ my mind hissed. '_You're nobody; some useless, unworthy piece of skin.' _I lowered my head at my mind's words, looking back at Alice and our attached hands. It was right though, I was nobody, and Alice… she was almost godly; perfection worked into a single body. What was I thinking?

My chest ached as I realized that even though I loved Alice more than just a friend, what we were doing right then was nothing but my forced fantasy; me making her stay with me all the time.

I slowly began separating our hands but stopped when only our fingers were touching. I was being so selfish, forcing Alice to be with me all the time. I was a low-life; of course Alice wouldn't want to be with me like this, she was just being a good friend.

I took a deep breath and kissed my happiness goodbye as I drew my fingers back and placed both of my clenched hands in my lap. A slow, agonizing pain rolled through my heart, cutting off the oxygen I didn't need. I felt empty. Looking at Alice I forced a smile through my pain. I refused to burden her with my heart problems.

"S…sorry," I stuttered.

Alice's eyes moved towards me and gave me one of her speculative looks; it seemed she was trying to figure something out, but was unsure of the end result. She began standing up again.

Panic flared within me and my smile faltered. But I quickly forced myself to regain control of my emotions and managed an even weaker smile at Alice, clenching my fists tighter.

"I have to go change, alright, Anna? I promise I'll be right back, I just have to go to the closet for a second."

Finally standing she disappeared from sight, the closet door the only indicator of her still being in the room. I don't think she was oblivious to my pain, but I wasn't quite sure what she was trying to do as I bowed my head and nodded, even though she couldn't see it.

My heart flared with a vengeance as the pain rippled through my frozen veins. I lifted my hand and began rubbing where the hole in my heart resided, a low strangled whine vibrating quietly in my chest. '_How am I going to last an eternity like this?'_

A pair of tiny arms wrapped around me from behind as Alice's hand covered where mine was rubbing at my heart. I bowed my head, ashamed, and began lowering my hand, but it wouldn't move. Alice held it firmly to my heart, controlling my hand that was still rubbing at the gnawing hole.

"What do you feel?" Alice questioned resting her head on my shoulder.

A roll of pain wracked my heart causing me to wince slightly. I was sure Alice could sense the movement of my face because seconds later I was flipped around, her hugging me properly.

"Pain… always pain," I gasped, choking back the sob I wanted so desperately to release. Why, oh, why couldn't vampires cry? When I was human I never appreciated the release of crying. I felt it useless and annoying with the stuffy nose and the blotchy red face and eyes. Now I wished for nothing but the ability to release this anguish within me with my tears.

"Pain doesn't last forever, Anna," Alice responded soothingly as she rocked us from side to side and began humming softly.

As Alice rocked me I snuggled into the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply both sighing and grimacing at how her scent affected me.

"I wish I could believe you," I uttered softly to myself.


	12. Chapter 12

After Alice had hugged me for a long while we lay on her bed and talked. She asked me questions about our old school, and after realizing I didn't know anything about anyone anymore, she sighed and quieted herself down.

"So you really don't know anything?" she whined, moving to her side while still holding my hand.

Ever since the little fit of hysteria I had while Alice went to the closet, Alice never let go of me. I was still unsure as to why she left, but it seemed like something within her was confirmed or closed or something, because that speculative look she gave me before she left for that minute, never came back. I couldn't be happier about our contact but inside I knew that it would only cause problems later on.

"I think Mike and Jessica are dating again… and Eric and Lauren?" The conviction in my voice was pitiful; it seemed I was asking more than telling her. I sighed. "Alice, truth be told, you could probably tell me more about what went on during school than I could…"

Alice held herself up with one elbow and scooted up higher on the bed so she could look into my eyes better.

"Anna..." Alice started, but then quickly closed her mouth. She opened and closed it several times before she seemingly gave up on what she was going to say and laid back down on the pillow.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, lowering my gaze when Alice looked over towards me.

Her soft fingers brushed against my cheek and travelled down to my chin as she lifted my face so she could look into my eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry. I do," she objected, a glint of pain flashing through her eyes. "What we did… what I did…" She paused. "How badly did we hurt you?" she finally coughed out. I could hardly hear her but I caught most of it and closed my eyes. This was the part I didn't want to tell her.

"Will… will you show me?" Alice asked quietly, moving her hand from my face.

Before I could ask what she meant she continued.

"Your power… I don't quite know what it is but somehow you've been showing us pieces of your past." Alice mused to herself while still looking at me.

My eyes shot open and I gazed into her eyes, willing her to be joking or lying. There was nothing but a deep sadness running through her eyes as she slowly nodded her head.

"Rosalie saw you getting raped. When she took you to the pond and was talking to you, I saw you in some type of hospital" She choked at that part but continued, moving her hand around my waist when I began shaking uncontrollably. "Emmett saw you in the forest with Jacob when he was attacking you… and then last night, when we were on the bed, I saw us at the lamp stand."

I couldn't breathe. I was showing them my memories? All this time when I thought they couldn't handle being around me, it was my memories they couldn't stand? A flicker of hope lit within my heart as I looked back towards Alice, a question burning in my eyes.

"What is it?" Alice pried, her fingers once again dancing over my cheek and over my furrowed brow.

"You… you weren't… disgusted by me?" I blurted out. Looking down, my fists clenched as I prepared my heart for any type of beating it might take from Alice's response.

I was shocked when she frowned and growled softly. I could tell it wasn't directed at me but at herself. She freed her arms from around my waist and sat up, making sure to keep direct contact with me at all time.

"You... are ridiculous," she breathed exasperatingly, brushing the hair out of my eyes. "How could you ever think I would be disgusted by you? You are so caring and have so much love, and you are so strong, Anna. I don't think you can even see how strong you are. Even as a human you were stronger than I could ever be," Taking hold of my hand she began rubbing it in between both of hers.

I shook my head and laughed humorlessly. "Yes, I am so strong… so much that I can't even let go of your hand without breaking down. So much that despite how much I needed to protect you, I still selfishly cried out your name bringing you closer to danger with Jacob. So strong that…" I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, calming myself down. I hadn't intended to get angry, but I couldn't let Alice go on believing lies. "I'm sorry. That was un-called for," I croaked, opening my eyes but refusing to look up into hers.

"Show me," Alice said, gently squeezing my hand.

"I can't… first of all I don't even know how it works, or if that's all it does… I don't want to hurt you." I looked up into her eyes and then quickly looked down again.

"You won't hurt me," Alice replied, moving her hand to caress my cheek. I lowered my eyes farther and she dropped her hand. "What aren't you telling me?" she asked, the tone in her voice making me look up into her eyes.

I swallowed. "I… I don't want to hurt you, and…" I mumbled. "And I know it will hurt if you see everything that's happened to me… everything I've done," I admitted lowering my head ashamed.

Alice sighed and looked away.

"I know." She looked towards me with determination in her eyes. "I know it's going to hurt both of us. But I need to know. I can't be kept in the dark about what I've done to you any longer." She grabbed my face with both hands; my breath went ragged as she looked deeply into my eyes. "Please… show me."

I sighed deeply and nodded my head. Alice breathed out, causing me to close my eyes and breathe her scent in deeply before I quickly realized what I was doing and opened my eyes. Alice had that speculative glint in her eye again but she didn't say anything as she led me back to a lying position on the bed; facing each other with her arms wrapped around me tightly for comfort.

"Are you ready?" she asked me quietly, a slightly nervous look in her eye.

"No," I answered honestly. "But I'll try to do it."

I moved my hands up towards Alice's face when my hands stilled millimeters from her skin.

"Alice?" I breathed. She looked towards me with a supportive questioning glance. "What if I lose control of it? What if I don't know how to get back out of the memories?" I began to panic when I pictured a still Alice, forever trapped in my living nightmares till the end of time.

"Shh… I trust you," She proclaimed, moving a hand to brush the hair out of my eyes. "I trust you," Lying back against the pillow she closed her eyes.

Sighing, I swallowed the panic until only an uncomfortable ache was left swirling around my stomach. Moving very slowly I lightly touched the side of her face, reveling in how soft her skin was before I began concentrating on the last night I saw Alice.


	13. Chapter 13

_The memories started out happy. Alice and me were laughing as we plopped ourselves down against the lamp stand. It felt exactly like I remembered it did, except there were now two of me and, even better, two of Alice._

Alice moved closer towards me and silently grabbed my hand as we watched the human me fall asleep against Alice's shoulder.

_Soon after, the memory faded back to me in the middle of school waiting for Alice to drive to up like I always did. Except she wasn't there this time. Alice was never late and I could see the worried look on my face as I slowly made my way towards class without her. _

_The scene cut to me running out of class with my books, papers flying everywhere. I had a cell phone clutched in my right hand as I ran towards my locker, opening it and throwing everything in. Once the locker was shut the memory me ran towards the street and began a steady jog towards the outskirts of town. The cell phone pressed against my face as I frantically called Alice's phone one more time. _

Due to both Alice's and my advanced hearing we couldn't miss the animated voice message saying "This number is no longer in use." The real me cringed in remembrance of what was to come.

_The scene cut once again as I knocked on the door frantically. No one answered which was really odd considering the Cullens never usually went out all at once. Forgetting my key in my locker I sighed deeply and calmed myself down, reminding myself of the spare key in the garage. I punched in the numbers on the keypad, my fingers shaking so badly I had to try a couple of times before the garage doors slowly made their way towards the roof of the building. I gasped at the sight I saw… it was empty. Being eternal beings, the Cullens had a large array of vehicles, more of them than people in the family. All the cars were gone though, and I suddenly knew somehow that I was never going to see Alice again. _

_A loud cry echoed through the garage as I fell to the ground and screamed._

I sighed at the sight, chancing a look at Alice. Her eyes were shimmering in a way where I knew she would be crying if she could.

_The memories slowly faded back to my home where my parents got angry at me for being out so late without calling them. I dumbly stared at them, a dead look permanently fixed upon my face. They didn't seem to notice as they sent me up to my room for the night. _

The scenes were moving faster. I didn't want to say anything because I knew exactly why they were so fast. I was only truly aware of one thing during that time before my parents were killed. Everything else was a blur…

_I stood up from my bed and almost toppled over from exhaustion and malnutrition and walked over to my closet, grabbing a smallish box that said, "Anna's Memories." I went back towards the bed and set it down gently. Looking at the top for a couple seconds I sighed and took off the top of the box. A couple of trinkets could be seen from where we were standing but the majority of the box was hidden from us. My hands slowly caressed the edges before they disappeared into the box, coming back up with a couple pictures. I smiled softly and sighed, tears running down my sallow cheeks. _

Alice let go of my hand and walked towards the memory me looking at the picture. Her face crumpled as she took it in.

_I sighed again as my fingers traced a part of the school picture from the beginning of the year; Alice's face. My eyes closed as my face turned blissfully happy before crumpling into a bitter smile. Gently, I placed the picture to my side and continued taking things out of the box and placing them by my side. _

Alice looked towards the memory me and slowly lifted her hand. She went to reach for my face but something stopped her as she looked back towards me. I could see the apologetic look in her eyes as she moved back towards the real me, gripping my hand tightly when I grimaced at the sight before me…

_I picked up something small and caressed it gently before pulling it out of the box. It was a razor. My eyes closed again as my breathing picked up in speed. I hadn't wanted to do this, but I couldn't handle the hole in my heart any longer. _

_Gripping the side of my bed with one hand, I slowly moved the razor towards the clenched hand and pushed it across my pale skin. Red tinged the blade as I sighed in both pain and bliss. My eyes opened, looking towards the small line and the tiny trail of blood running down my arm. An almost possessed look crossed my eyes as my hand slowly moved back and forth, dancing along my arms. _

Alice closed her eyes tightly and stopped breathing. For a moment I thought the blood was bothering her when I realized that we couldn't smell anything.

"Do you want me to stop?" I breathed, shaking her hand gently when she didn't respond.

"No," Alice choked finally, looking in my eye.

My face fell and I sighed deeply. I was hoping she would say yes and that would be that, but of course, Alice being Alice, would be stubborn and refuse to leave until the very end. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the next memory.

"_Tell me where they are!" Jacob demanded, slapping me across the face. I yelped in pain and grabbed the now pink skin. The rest of the wolves surrounded me not letting me escape, cruel smiles on their faces. Sam's face was the only composed one as he spoke firmly. _

"_Anna... it's very important that you tell us. They broke the treaty and now must pay." _

_I looked down towards my shoes refusing to say anything. _

_Sam sighed as Jacob moved closer. Gripping my arms roughly he moved his face close to my ear whispering, "Say goodbye to your parents." I began thrashing against his vice grip, sobs tearing through me as the rest of the wolves moved back and disappeared into the thick forest. _

_The memory shifted to the Forks cemetery as a small group of people walked through the courtyard in all black. I could see myself in a long sleeved shirt, jacket and baggy jeans standing off to the side with a dead look in my face. No emotion showed as Mark stood beside me. _

"_Are you ready to speak yet?" Mark asked, using his hand to push my face up so I would look at him. My eyes immediately averted as Mark chuckled and stepped back. "Then I'll see you later," he promised before walking back towards the parking lot. _

_A silent tear traveled my face but the rain washed it away almost immediately. _

Alice let out a sob as she turned away from the memories. I slight look of panic took her as the memory turned darker, the light of the lamp shining through the darkness. A small figure was huddled underneath it shivering from the wind as two more characters walked up to her.

"_Hello, my dear." Mark chuckled when I didn't look up at him. "I believe tonight is your first… lesson." _

_He and the other man walked closer towards me as I began shaking more violently from fear. I was ripped up one on each side of me as they slowly began kissing my neck and restraining my arms when I began to thrash around. _

"_Stop!" I begged repeatedly as they began removing my clothes, forcing me towards the forest where they abused me over and over again. _

_The figures were seen leaving as a broken and bruised me curled into a ball and began sobbing quietly. "Why did you have to leave me? Why wasn't I good enough?" I gasped as the wind picked up and I began shivering once again. _

Alice collapsed to her knees as the words left my mouth. She kept whimpering "no" but the scenes continued changing.

"_Can I help you?" One of the nurses spoke in a pleasant tone. I had been wandering the halls in a mild panic because I couldn't figure out where the exit was when she came up behind me tapping my shoulder gently. _

_I bit my lip trying to keep the panic out of my voice. "Umm... how do you get out?" I asked pulling at the end material of my shirt looking at my shoes. _

_She smiled at me and chanted out a couple directions before she turned around and walked down the hall. I bolted, following her instructions and finally made it to the exit. I paused in horror when I saw that Jacob and Mark were waiting for me, smiling. _

"_What took you so long? Let's go,"_

_They split up one on each side of me as all three of us walked out of the building._

I began trembling as images and sounds of what happened after we left the hospital overwhelmed my vision. Memories of the past swelled in my brain causing me to fall to my knees and grip my head in pain. Around us the pictures began blurring at the speed of the thoughts. Alice ran towards me, screaming something before extending her hand and slapping my face.


	14. Chapter 14

I opened my eyes and realized we were back in Alice's room. I jumped to the floor and collapsed almost immediately, my hunger flaring wildly.

"Alice," I coughed, clearing my throat a couple times. This only managed to irritate my throat as venom pooled and fell from my lips onto the hard wood floor.

Alice rushed to my side, staring into my blackened eyes while her hands automatically held my head.

"You just fed… this shouldn't be happening," she protested, her eyes looking around the room deep in thought, flashing onto my dark eyes every couple of seconds. "The memories…" she declared finally, her eyes darkening in color before they flooded back to her normal shade of gold.

"Alice!" I gasped as another wave of hunger crashed. "I…. this really hurts" I groaned, rubbing my throat and trying to uselessly soothe the burning.

"I know," she said, gently pulling on my arms and helping me up. I almost crumpled in pain but she steadied me. "You'll have to feed again."

Taking my arm gently she began leading me out the door and down the stairs. The rest of the Cullens were nowhere to be seen as we passed the living room and walked out the door.

I was immediately attacked by all the scents within the forest. All thought process faded when the hum of heart beats reached my ears and the scent of blood filled my nostrils.

A feral growl erupted from my chest as I tore away from Alice and began running through the forest searching for the blood I knew would cure this burning torture. Soft footsteps could be heard a couple meters back as Alice followed close behind.

Something gripped my shoulder, forcing me to stop my aimless wanderings and spun me around. Alice's eyes were patient as she looked into my wild ones. I hissed at her, baring my teeth as a warning to her to let go but she didn't even bat an eyelash as she gripped my hand tightly and began leading me towards a different part of the forest.

Soon I could smell a small herd of deer in the near distance and Alice demanded to stay here while she got me one. She disappeared and soon after the call of the blood was too great and I began running after her in anticipation of what was to come.

The smell was getting stronger as the fresh blood from Alice's kill wafted towards me. I picked up my speed and soon I could see tiny Alice with another large buck deer in her arms moving towards me. The demon inside of me roared in challenge as I picked up my speed and began snarling loudly.

Alice tried shouting something to me but I was too far gone and couldn't hear her. Our bodies collided as I threw Alice and the deer to the forest floor snarling above her. The blood was too close though and I could no longer resist the sweet temptation as I tore into the neck and began feasting on the dripping red as it flowed out.

All senses faded out as mouthful after mouthful came to me, I couldn't hear anything but the slowing of the deer's heartbeat. I couldn't smell anything but the rusty tint from the blood. I couldn't feel anything other than the soft nectar flowing across my tongue, down my throat. I felt complete and wanted to do nothing but feast forever, but soon there was nothing left to be had.

I tore my mouth from the deer's neck and threw it away agitatedly. I needed more blood! I could feel the hunger beginning to flare again when I looked down and noticed Alice lying on the ground with a cautious, scared look on her face.

My eyes locked onto hers as the wind swirled around my nose. I inhaled deeply, my venom pouring at the delightful scent being carried in the air. When I analyzed it closer I realized it was the blood I so craved, and Alice.

Breaking our stares I began looking around her face, noticing some blood smudged on the side of her cheek. And then, slowly as I analyzed the rest of her, I began growling softly and moved towards her.

Blood, her clothes, her arms, almost everything was covered in blood from the deer. My mind screamed for me to turn away and go find another deer; to stay away from Alice because I was going to make a horrible mistake, but I couldn't. The tempting call was too strong as the wind blew the delicious scent towards me again.

"Anna." Alice's voice cracked when she sat up and began moving backwards slowly. "Anna, you don't want to do this… please" she begged.

I stopped for a moment, her words hitting a chord within me but I was still too far gone. A moan of need escaped my mouth as I began moving forward again choppily. It was as though my mind and my body were fighting each other as I jerked my way towards Alice who was still trying to move backwards away from me.

Collapsing to my knees, I grabbed Alice's foot and dragged her towards, me inhaling deeply when the scent's potency increased. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I lowered my mouth to Alice's shoulder and began sucking and licking at the dried blood stained there. I moaned in satisfaction and continued across her collar bone towards her other shoulder.

Alice leaned back and brought my head closer to her as her breathing increased in pace and volume.

"Anna," she breathed attempting to push my head away. "Stop please!" she begged as I lowered my mouth and began sucking the material across her chest, trying to get the blood from her shirt as she shivered and moaned again.

Her shirt soon didn't have enough blood as I ripped it from her body and began licking the stained blood from her skin. She writhed and groaned as I slowly made my way to her arms and gently sucked all the blood from her there as well.

It was all so surreal. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. A new hunger was tearing at my body, but this one fed on Alice's sounds and movements as she wreathed below me begging for more.

I moaned in longing as I licked my way back towards her neck and began kissing the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder, excitement flowing through me when Alice moaned loudly, her hips grinding against mine, and moved her hands to explore my body. Soon her hands went to my head, removing my lips from their worshipping and forced them to hers as she kissed me passionately.

Fire pulsed through my veins as she flipped us so she was on top. Her hands tangled tightly in my hair as I caressed her body, reveling in the softness. Her tongue slid across my bottom lip as I opened my mouth and welcomed the new sensations flowing through my body.

She tasted so good! It was just as good as blood but different at the same time. Each satisfied my needs perfectly, but both in very different ways.

I flipped Alice over again, taking control of the kiss as I slowly moved my hands towards Alice's belt buckle. I had only just gotten it undone when Alice disappeared from underneath me.

Freezing in my spot, my eyes widened as I realized what I had just done with my best friend. I had known that I had some feelings for her, but I had no idea they were so deep or that they might've bit me in the ass by overwhelming me like they did.

I lifted my head slowly to see if she had disappeared from the area completely or just from underneath me when I saw her leaning against a tree breathing deeply. She was still shirtless as it was right beside me, and was sparkling brightly from the strip of sunlight that fought its way through the tree's protective canvas.

I could immediately feel the impulses to go back to her and kiss her hard, forcing her back against the tree where we would both sparkle brightly as we made love, continuously wrapped in each other's arms as we had orgasm after orgasm, but I resisted them by taking a couple deep breaths to clear the fog in my mind as well.

After I had calmed the erotic images in my mind, the ache of rejection washed through my body, causing me to suddenly stop breathing and to keep from crying out. I had just offered her everything of me, and she didn't want it. If the rejection didn't kill me I knew the embarrassment just might. Being a family of many 'talents' the word would soon be spilled and then what? What had I done?

I looked up and noticed that Alice's breathing had calmed down but she was still leaning heavily against the tree. I cried out in anger at myself and smashed my fist against the earth causing a small fist sized hole to dent the smooth ground we were just rolling on. The pressure in my eyes increased as I slowly calmed myself down and began to think. I couldn't stay. I knew I couldn't stay. I wanted to stay, so badly; but I knew I couldn't.

Alice's eyes met mine as soon as I made the decision. I knew she wouldn't want me to leave out of duty, but I knew there was no other way. I couldn't stand to be there watching Alice day in and day out, longing for more when I knew she would never want to be with me that way. I realized with great dismay that I could never just be friends with Alice Cullen again, no matter how much I wanted it; I knew I needed more, so much more.

I closed my eyes tightly and picked up Alice's shirt, pressing it up to my nose I inhaled deeply savoring the mouth-watering scent before I stood up and began walking towards Alice who was now directly facing me in only her jeans and bra.

I immediately averted my eyes and chanted in my mind, '_She doesn't want this, she doesn't want this.'_ Over and over until I reached the tree she was at and handed it to her. Alice took the shirt from me and dressed quickly.

I turned to leave when a petite hand touched my shoulder.

"Anna, wait,"

I stopped, my heart throbbing when I realized how much of a hold she truly had on me. It really should have been obvious about how much I truly did love her before, but it was only now when I was getting ready to leave, that I knew I would do anything for Alice.

My back was still turned when she began speaking again. I knew she wanted to look me in the eye but I just couldn't force myself to turn around and see whatever look her eyes possessed, or let her see what mine held at the moment.

"I just can't right now… I do love you, truly I do, but I don't know if we can do… that. If I'm able to." She stumbled over her words so whatever soothing effect her tone might've had washed away and left only the brutal rejection to scar my heart. I paused for moments hardening my heart allowing the self-hatred strengthen my words as I spat out:

"It was wrong of me… who am I…" I paused, shaking slightly, "to think that someone as perfect as you would want to be with me; some lost and lonely tag along? It's pitiful really and I'm sorry I ever inconvenienced your life," I hissed the last part jerking my shoulder back when Alice began rubbing it softly. I didn't deserve her sympathy. I was a monster.

The silence was deafening even for us immortals, and I couldn't take it any longer. I began walking away but was quickly halted once again by Alice.

"Stop!" she called out a little louder than before.

I froze, rooted to my spot, and choked back a sob. Alice paused for a couple minutes, I could hear her footsteps moving a step closer and then another one back, seemingly debating with herself on whether she should come to me or not. It killed me that her indecision was my own and that even if I so dreadfully wanted her near me, I wouldn't be able to stand the heartache.

"Turn around?" she demanded and immediately against my will I turned around and looked up towards her. She was about a meter away and was still seemingly debating on whether to come closer or not. '_If I was her I would be running for the hills,' _my mind cackled, causing me to look down ashamed.

"I…" What did I want to say to her? I didn't think I would be able to stand there forever; the heavy emotions were already weakening my knees threatening to bring me down. "Please, just… let me go."

Alice's eyes widened as my legs visibly shook and a pained whine escaped my chest with the strain of keeping me on my feet. My heart begged for me to take back my words and relieve this pain within in but I knew there was no other way. The choice had to be made and now all I had to do to make everything better was to disappear forever.

"I'm sorry," Alice croaked bowing her head and nodding softly.

She looked so broken but I couldn't handle being there any longer, I needed a way to release the agony and because I couldn't cry anymore I decided running away from my emotions would be the next best thing; so I turned and ran.


	15. Chapter 15

The wind blew through my hair as I sped across the forest; a loud scream echoing off the silent trees breaking the peace, scaring a flock of birds from their hiding place in the canvas.

"What is wrong with me" I screamed stopping suddenly punching a hole into a nearby tree. I stopped screaming and looked towards the destruction I created with my own two hands. "I really am a monster…" I whispered before I sank to the earth and sat in the fetal position.

"So you finally realized what I tried telling Bella hey?" a deep voice rang through the clearing causing me to stand up in a defensive position and hiss warningly. "All leaches are monsters."

Jacob moved out from the tree line and held his hands out as a sign of peace. I stopped hissing but never went out of my position just in case he decided to do anything. He stopped walking a couple steps in and smiled snidely making a small noise in the back of his throat when the wind blew moving my hair slightly.

"You stink." He chuckled wrinkling his nose a little. "I guess your little pixie friend didn't listen." He rubbed his chin, humor rolling through his eyes. I didn't like where this was going. "I guess another… demonstration is in order? Kathy, why don't you come here for a moment?" He called out behind his shoulder.

His smile widened as my back rose in defense. A new smell was traveling the air now, a sweeter sent, one that made my venom pool and my hunger flare within my body. It was unlike anything I had ever smelt before. The only scent that could have ever come close its magnificence was this afternoon with Alice scent and the deer's blood mixed together… I paused. Blood… sweet blood, nothing from an animal could compare to a smell like this… I swallowed.

Jacob laughed happily when he saw the realization dawn in my eyes. He had known what this was going to do to me. Being part of the Cullen Clan for a time I had expected to always feed off of animals, the thought that I may not be able to control myself around humans didn't even cross my mind as a small woman walked into the clearing and moved towards Jacob with a scared look in her eyes.

"Jacob… what are we doing here? And do I know you?" she pointed towards me but quickly backed up behind Jacob when she saw the demonic blackness of my eyes. I had stopped breathing but could still hear her sweet blood pulsing through her veins singing for me to come and get it.

I backed up and gripped onto the tree that was behind me. I knew it wouldn't do any good but it somewhat helped, pretending to be grounded with something keeping you back.

Jacob snorted. "What's the matter leach, are you uncomfortable?"

He laughed wickedly watching me struggle with my intense hunger. The monster in me wanted nothing than to move towards the girl and dig my teeth into her soft neck milking the blood out of her jugular as the life slowly leaked from her into my awaiting mouth, but I knew that I couldn't; I wouldn't. I refused to kill her no matter what she did to me in my past life. I refused to let her blood taint my morals making me into a killer. I would not become like Jacob Black.

I snarled loudly in pain and gripped the tree harder causing the wood to snap underneath my fingers. The woman gasped loudly and began moving backwards but Jacob grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her in front of him pulling a small jackknife out of his torn jean pocket.

I gulped in fear of what was next to come as Jacob stretched the woman's arm and slashed her hard. She screamed in pain as the wound opened and blood poured out onto the grassy ground beneath her. Releasing her he pushed her hard towards me making her fall stretching the cut again as another bout of blood speckled the earth in front of me.

I paused. It was all too much. The lightening red color of the fresh blood seeping from her arm, the quick heart rate displaying her obvious distress and fear; I released a low whine and then moaned quietly when I breathed in, the scent! Oh god. The scent…

I slowly released the tree I was gripping and fell to my knees. I tried clearing my head by taking deep breaths but the blood overwhelmed my senses and I began seeing red. I started unconsciously moving towards the woman who was now lying dazed on the grassy earth watching me with half closed eyes as I approached her. I looked up at Jacob when I reached her and saw the wicked smile across his face.

I looked back at the girl realized how much her innocent face reminded me of Alice... Alice. My hunger faded slightly as the thoughts of Alice never being on this planet raked through my mind causing a bout of determination to flow through my veins.

Looking back at the task at hand I quickly stopped breathing and took my shirt into my hands. I tore a long strip off the bottom of my shirt and gently grabbed the woman's arm and began wrapping her wound with the cloth from my t-shirt.

Jacob cursed loudly when I stood up quickly and took off my belt creating a tourniquet on her arm to hopefully stop the bleeding until Carlisle could look at her.

Once she was dealt with I quickly moved across the clearing upwind and began inhaling large gulps of blood free air to clear the angry haze begging me to go and drink that woman dry.

A loud ripping noise sounded behind me as I was tackled from behind by a now wolf-formed Jacob. His teeth cut into my back and I screamed out in pain before throwing him off me. The pain was so much greater now that I was a vampire. It was like I never even knew pain until this moment.

Jacob stood up on all fours and glared at me, drool dripping from his jaws as we circled around snarling loudly at one another. Jacob pounced throwing his claws towards me and managed to claw my stomach where three fresh lines of venom seeped through my torn shirt. I hissed once again in pain but quickly retaliated by gripping his paw and throwing him into a large tree. The tree cracked under the blow but Jacob quickly sprung back up knocking me off my feet onto my back and stopped, snarling inches from my face he coughed dryly in a doggish laugh before he began tearing into my shoulder slowly reveling in my screams of agony.

He stopped once my shoulder was almost unrecognizable and lifted one of his paws to my head digging his claws in and pushing it up until my neck was in full view of his powerful jaws. I breathed in deeply before I muttered my final words

"I love you Alice."


	16. Chapter 16

I closed my eyes awaiting my last moment when all of Jacob's weight disappeared off of me. I cried out in pain as the claws that were attached to me ripped out causing more venom to pool out onto the ground. _If the earth could become Vampire_ I thought bitterly in my mind before I closed my eyes again trying to block out the pain.

"Let me see her, I need to see her now!"

"I don't think that's such a good idea Alice… if you'll let me explain"

"Move Emmett!"

Alice's soft tinkling voice was ringing loudly, surrounding my head as I sighed happily at the soothing tones. Whether she was yelling or not, Alice's voice was by far my favorite sound in the entire world.

I could hear her footsteps coming closer but along with it came the torturous scent of the human girl in the clearing a little ways away. I moaned in hunger but Alice still came on and as she did the scent became stronger.

Finally she reached my side and knelt to my side gasping when she saw all the cuts inflicted by Jacob. I opened my eyes and hungrily searched for the source of the glorious scent emitting from Alice. If I had thought Deer's blood and Alice smelled good, it was nothing compared to human blood and Alice. Looking at her I realized that the woman's blood was all over her arms indicating that they did in fact find her and had helped her. I had guessed Alice might've been the one to find her first; she was the closed in the area.

The scent was too strong. Every ache in my body knew that if I could have even just a little of the blood, I would begin to heal.

I moaned in pain and then I lifted myself shaking slightly, from my lying position and pounced on Alice. Gripping her arms tightly with my hands, I leaned my head down and began sucking frantically at the blood on hands and arms. I moaned in satisfaction, the rich thick taste rolling across my tongue; I couldn't get enough. Pulling her hand towards my mouth I drew each of her fingers into my mouth savoring the taste on my tongue before moving on to other bloody parts of Alice's body.

She was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear anything; it was as though I was in one of those Charley Brown Cartoons, where I was in the classroom listening to that teacher. I just couldn't make out what she was saying.

Suddenly two pairs of strong arms pulled me from my position on top of Alice. I snarled wildly trying to get back to the amazing nectar. Because of the strenuous movements on my part venom from my wounds poured out weakening me but I couldn't stop fighting. The hunger inside of me was slowly driving me to the edge of insanity as everything slowly turned red.

"Blood!" I cried out in agony before I lost all of my strength. I lent heavily on Carlisle and Emmett, who were still holding my arms tightly.

Alice looked up towards me and then back at her arms before her eyes widened in shock. She looked towards Emmett who nodded his head sadly.

I stared at Alice with wild eyes, I could see the pain flashing through hers but all I could think about at the moment was how to escape my captors and get back to the blood attached to Alice. She slowly began getting up causing me to go into action as I started to struggle again hissing and snarling, but before I could get far she disappeared into the forest leaving only a small trail of the wonderful scent behind.

Soon after Alice left I began crying out in pain, the hunger fighting against my mind, telling me to escape at all costs. Soon I could sense something, a different type of blood, a less satisfying one coming towards us. It was deer blood, I whined in need when I saw Alice move towards me directing Emmett and Carlisle to hold me until she was finished placing the deer. They exchanged puzzled looks but continued holding me as I struggled to get free and to the deer in front of me.

As soon as Alice nodded her head the boys let go of my arms and I stumbled my way towards the deer. It took me several falls before I finally managed to get over to it. I tore the throat out and began drinking heartily as the red slowly faded back to regular colors. While I was drinking something snapped in my mind and a flood of darkness overcame my eyes as I quickly released the deer's body. I immediately regained my eyesight but something was wrong. Looking around I realized I had no idea where I was, but as soon as I turned around I realized there was another deer behind me and I leapt onto that one as well and finally after both deer's were drained completely I was satiated.

I sighed happily but winced when the movement caused a ripple of pain to flow through my body. _That can't be right_ I pondered before a large hand grabbed my shoulder.

I flew from the grip and bent down a couple meters away hissing loudly in warning. The sharp movements caused a blinding pain to roll through my body but I refused to show any pain as my hiss only increased in malice.

"Calm down Anna! It's just me… Emmett."

He held his hands in front of him in peace but I refused to lower my defensive position. He looked familiar but I couldn't figure out from where.

"Anna?" Another voice called out to my right. Another male, a blonde one, was there taking slow calculated steps towards me. I turned slightly so I could keep both males in my eyesight and snarled ferociously. He stopped and called out my name again before speaking quietly, as though I wouldn't hear what he said.

"Emmett… I don't know what's going on for sure but it seems she doesn't remember who we are. Maybe the extent of her injuries caused her head to go into trauma. Normally one would be put into a coma, but because we can't sleep I'm wondering if her mind has temporarily shut down and is running on pure instinct. If so that is very dangerous and we need to get her out of here."

I snarled loudly once again moving back a couple steps when both males took a step forward. They were so wrong… I may have not known them but my mind wasn't shut down, fear gripped me as they both took another step. The panic was clearly showing in my eyes I was sure as I frantically began hissing and snarling all the while hopelessly moving backwards. Sooner or later I knew they were going to get me, and after that I wasn't sure what would happen. What would they do to me?

Realizing they were going to catch me at any moment I quickly turned and began running as fast as I could away from the clearing. I heard two sets of feet behind me as I flew dodging fallen trees and rocks. I looked back and with some pride noticed the two males quite a ways off yet. Maybe I had escaped them?

Something small hit me hard from the side and pinned me to the ground. I cried out in agony as my cuts split open and fresh venom oozed out. I grit my teeth silencing my screams before I began thrashing against the person who was pinning me down wildly. A soft panicked voice began shouting something at me but I didn't want to hear it as I began growling and hissing trying to release one of my arms so I could throw her off.

In my weakened state I wasn't able to though and soon all I could do was lie on the ground panting heavily even though I didn't need the breath. The person on top of me began shifting after I had stayed still for a couple minutes and I immediately began planning my escape, but before she could remove one of her hands a voice rang out.

"Don't Alice. She'll just run again."

I groaned in pain when two sets of arms picked me off the ground. I was transferred to the big one's arms; thinking I could maybe escape I began thrashing but he just pulled my arms farther behind my back immobilizing my entire body. I sunk my head down and swore softly no longer resisting them as we began running towards a giant house.

A memory triggered when I looked up at the mansion, a time when a young human girl walked through a different white house that was surrounded by a large green forest. I shook the memory as we began slowing down and walked through the door Emmett led me through.

There were a couple of female vampires in the entranceway when we walked in whose eyes widened when they saw me. I snarled softly baring my teeth at them to make them stop staring but they continued on. The one with caramel looking hair looked like she wanted to cry and when I looked at her in curiosity she moved towards me and extended her hands to me.

She touched me on the shoulder softly which caused it to burn making me hiss in pain. She quickly removed her hand and moved out of the way as 'Emmett' tightened his hold slightly and began leading me down a set of stairs.

The other male walked in front of us and removed a panel on the wall. After typing a couple of numbers I couldn't see, a loud click sounded and the giant metal door opened revealing a large room with concrete covered walls, a giant comfortable bed, a mirror, and another small room holding what I could only guess was a bathroom. Why there would be a bathroom I couldn't tell you though.

"I'm sorry for doing this Anna, but we can't have you trying to escape every time we take our eyes off of you." The blonde one mumbled looking down seemingly embarrassed.

Emmett moved us into the room and walked towards the bed. Once we reached it he turned me around so I was sitting on it and then slowly took a couple steps back. I smiled up at him and pretended to move to which he flinched. Realizing he'd been had he huffed and walked towards the door closing it tightly. I could hear the lock go in place as I slowly got off the bed and began looking around the light room.


	17. Chapter 17

"SHIT! That hurts!" I screamed in pain as Alice wiped the venom from my cuts with a warm cloth.

After the two men left the room and locked the door I had looked around for a while but quickly got to weak to do much and so instead of messing up the nice bed they prepared I spread myself out on the concrete floor and closed my eyes willing my body to heal faster. A couple hours later I heard the door unlock, open, close, and then lock again indicating one of them had come in.

I opened my eyes scanning the room only to see the small pixie who had tackled me in the forest by the door. I could feel a slight irritation build that she had the nerve to come in here, but I restrained a growl and settled for ignoring her, closing my eyes once again.

I could hear her sigh and move slightly closer to me but stopped once she reached about a foot from where I was lying. She then gracefully sat herself down and cleared her throat softly.

"Do you know who I am?" She whispered softly. I cracked open one of my eyes and was mildly shocked by the look of pain across her face. She was a mess… Of course every vampire was beautiful to no end, but her hair was messed up in every direction, trails indicating how many times she had run her fingers through it, and she had the most crestfallen face I had ever seen; vampire, or human. It looked like someone had told her they had just eaten her puppy.

Deciding to take some sympathy on her until I knew her a little better I shook my head no but winced slightly when I moved it to far to one side stretching my torn shoulder.

She looked at me for a couple moments before extending her hand out to me. "I'm Alice. We used to be best friends, but since Jacob; that werewolf you fought attacked you, you have had no remembrance of me or anyone in our family."

My eyes widened slightly before I slowly began getting up ignoring the ache flowing through me. "I'm Anna… and I don't know for sure but something tells me you weren't lying about being best friends, but I don't believe I was part of your family."

Alice's eyes lost a little of their shine but a determined look glinted as she raised her chin a notch. "Yes you are… now no more arguing. Let's get you cleaned up."

After that she had taken it upon herself to grab a bucket full of steaming hot water and a cloth, and had been mildly torturing me since; me wreathing in pain on the concrete floor while Alice 'gently' cleaned my wounds. Truth be told she really was being gentle, but the wounds were too fresh, any amount of pressure hurt.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly wiping the middle slash on my stomach. I laid back down on the bed and sighed unhappily; this sucked. I sucked in a breath when Alice moved the cloth carefully against the bottom cut, her hand trailing lightly behind it causing goose bumps to freckle the skin her hand had just touched.

_What was that?_ I asked myself looking back towards Alice to see if she noticed. Her hand paused over my stomach so I knew she had, but before I had a chance to question her about it she had ripped the sleeve off of my shirt and began cleaning the deep wound on my shoulder.

"Fuck, fuck! Oh god!" I screamed in pain as she cleaned the dirt and venom out of the wound. It hurt so badly, I couldn't stand it.

Bolting up quickly I moved across the room panting loudly. It was a strange habit for a vampire to have; breathing deeply when in immense pain, but it seemed I couldn't help it as heave after heave of air pushed past my mouth into my awaiting lungs. Closing my eyes I began calming myself down and in a matter of minutes I opened my eyes again looking towards a slightly shocked Alice.

"I'm sorry…" I said bowing my head in embarrassment.

I hated looking so weak in front of Alice. I didn't know why but for some reason I felt like I had to prove something to her, even though everything I did screamed unworthy.

Moving slowly back towards the floor where Alice was still seated I sat myself down and removed my shirt so she could have better access to the entire cut opposed to just what the sleeve revealed.

Alice's breath hitched but before I could say anything she placed the cloth back into the bowl of steaming water and then back to my shoulder. I winced and shuddered in pain but remained silent as she continued wiping the wound clean. After about five minutes she was finally finished with my shoulder.

"Turn around so I can clean the wounds on your head"

Doing what she asked I turned around. She was now face to face with me but her eyes weren't looking at my face. To my utter shock but not displeasure she was looking at my bra-clad breasts. I shivered under her stare and cleared my throat lightly breaking her out of her trance.

Shaking her head slightly she looked me straight in the eye apologizing for her rude behavior but it was too late. I had seen the longing in her eyes and immediately it triggered another memory. One of a vampire and Alice rolling among the forest floor kissing passionately; there was something very familiar about the vampire on top of Alice. Realization dawned as I recognized the vampire to be the human girl in the memory from before. Something told me it went deeper then that as a slight panic set in. I leaped from my sitting position on the floor and ran at vampire speed to the mirror.

The vampire and I; we both had the same dirty blonde hair; with the same hardened stony features, though the vampire in the memory seemed so blissfully happy…. The person in the memories was me. _I was the one making out with her?_ I looked back towards Alice and slowly made my way back to where she was sitting. Sitting back down once again I grabbed the cloth and placed it in her hands.

She took this as a hint and began wiping the cuts on my head. I winced in pain but sighed when Alice's fingers trailed my cheek softly, comfortingly. I wasn't sure what was going on, but it seemed that no matter how Alice touched me, my body seemed to respond against my will.

My mind blacked out with the force of the new memories attacking my mind. Pictures of my life filled in the unknown gaps from before as I began remembering everything from both my human and vamperic life.

"Alice?" I sighed happily when I regained my sight; looking her straight in the eye.

She stopped patting my head with the cloth and placed it back in the bowl looking at me curiously. I could see the look of longing and pain roll through her eyes as she looked at my face, thinking I still didn't know who she was.

"Yes Anna?" She asked with a hint of curiosity in her voice.

I wasn't sure what my face was showing but I was positive it must have confused poor Alice. I swallowed nervously wringing my hands in my lap preparing myself for whatever reaction she would have to my next words.

"I think…I think I remember who you are…" I smiled slightly at the look of pure shock on her face but it slowly faded as the silence led on. Her eyes were continuously shifting from one of my eyes to the other searing for any type of lie but there was none to be found.

"Are you sure?" She whispered in a begging tone. Her eyes were adorably pleading for me to be telling the truth. I nodded my head.

"Oh thank god, I thought you would never remember me." Alice mumbled before she threw herself at me squeezing me into one of her death-grip hugs.

I hugged her back with just as much force despite how my injuries ached. A soft gasp escaped my mouth though when Alice softly brushed my torn shoulder. Immediately she pulled away from me and stared towards the cut which was now slowly dripping venom down my arm.

"I am so sorry" her eyes opened wide as she moved a couple more steps back. Before she could get to far though I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her to my side again. With my free hand I wrung out the cloth and began wiping my shoulder grimacing when a shockwave of pain vibrated through my upper body.

Alice released my hand and moved hers over the one that was wiping my shoulder. I paused looking over at her as she tossed the cloth away from us and bent her head over slowly licking the small amount of venom left, trailing it back to my wound.


	18. Chapter 18

shivered and moaned quietly as she slowly moved her tongue across my collar bone and up my neck; all pain was forgotten as she sucked the tender skin gently.

"I… Alice… what?" I panted, moving my head to the side to allow her better access.

"Shhh" She whispered sucking a little harder emitting another moan from me.

She removed her lips from my neck only to press them roughly against my own in a heated kiss. I sighed happily, lying down on the concrete floor taking Alice with me. She held herself on her elbows, keeping her bodyweight off of me should she hurt me again, but at the moment I didn't really care about my wounds. I wanted to feel Alice pressed tightly against my body, feel how perfectly we fit together as we kissed passionately. I pulled Alice gently wincing slightly when her bodyweight put pressure on the cuts on my stomach, but continued kissing her forcefully.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as images of what else we could do together paraded behind my eyes causing me to groan quietly. Alice stilled on top of me but then quickly broke the kiss moaning loudly, I guessed she had just gotten the vision of what I wanted to do to her… all that was left was her decision to let me or not.

She breathed deeply and moved herself above me once again staring deeply into my eyes. I could see the desire lacing her golden eyes as she gently moved one of her hands to my face, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"I love you." I whispered rubbing my face harder into her hand. She smiled sweetly.

"I love you too… more than you know." She mumbled the second part moving her head down to my neck nuzzling her nose in, inhaling deeply.

I sighed happily reveling in how Alice's body fit into mine but soon became distracted when she began sucking on my neck again. I groaned and gently removed her lips from my neck giving her the stink-eye.

Alice looked up with a sly grin, but I quickly wiped it off as I rolled us over so that I was on top. I pressed my lips tightly to hers memorizing the feeling of her soft lips against my own.

Biting down gently on her bottom lip, Alice groaned. Taking advantage of the small space created I slid my tongue into her mouth tasting her; soon our tongues began wrestling for dominance.

Releasing Alice's mouth I slowly lowered my lips to the side of her neck and began sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin there. Alice gripped my shoulders pulling me closer and I hissed out in pain and passion.

Removing her grip on my shoulders I lifted her up slightly so I could remove her shirt, and then began moving my lips lower past her collarbone to her cloth covered mounds. Grazing the swell of Alice's breast with my teeth, I ripped her bra in half removing it roughly before lowering my mouth onto her swelling nipples.

Alice groaned out hoarsely and pulled my mouth back up to hers for a passionate kiss. Balancing myself on one arm I moved my right hand back to Alice's breast and began stroking her right nipple, pinching it softly until it rose into a tight peak in my fingers.

Alice growled loudly and flipped us over so she could be back on top. Ripping off my bra she slipped my nipple into her mouth and began suckling it until I moaned out loudly. She moved back up towards me smiling widely and began kissing me while her hand slowly moved down my body to the hem of my jeans.

Popping open the button, Alice made quick work of my pants and soon sat back and looked me up and down.

"You are so beautiful." She whispered in awe.

I sat up brushing my hand up her face, kissing her sweetly. "You are the truly beautiful one here." I mumbled lifting myself, up pressing Alice's back against the concrete once again.

Kissing Alice softly once more I slowly trailed my lips down her body giving a little love to each breast before kissing a path to the button of Alice's jeans. Pulling the button loose I slowly pulled them down kissing every piece of skin revealed to me as they descended towards her tiny dancer feet.

Alice sighed happily as I trailed my kisses upwards again. Her hands moved to my hair as I moved slightly farther up but before I could get past her stomach Alice's strong hand gripped my head tightly forcing me to stop.

Her body was tense and the movements in her chest stilled indicating she wasn't breathing anymore.

Not knowing what to do I attempted to pull my head back but stilled when her fingers dug in a little tighter putting pressure on the claw-marks on my forehead.

Cringing, I slowly moved my hands up to try and loosen Alice's hold on my head. As soon as my fingers graced her hands she seemingly snapped out of it and quickly removed her hands digging them into the concrete below us.

"Anna I…" Alice's panicked eyes stared into mine but I looked away brushing my hand across my forehead to wipe the venom running down towards my eyes away. It killed me to look away from her, but I couldn't let her see how much pain I was actually in. I knew she hadn't meant to hurt me, and that she had no control over what she was doing while in her vision. I refused to allow her to beat herself up because of my pain.

Alice sighed and sat up moving a couple feet back drawing her knees to her chest. I moved towards her slowly and wrapped my arms around her rocking her gently back and forth. I knew she would tell me what she saw in her vision when she was ready.

Gripping my arm with both of hers, Alice let out a short whine and moved closer to me before sighing quietly and whispering:

"It's Jasper."


End file.
